Increasingly depressed and suicidal about myself and everything around me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JGF, Nov 18, 2012.

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  1. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    I'm 25, was diagnosed with serious depression at age 8, and have only gotten more depressed and pathetic as I've gotten older. Here's a list of my numerous failures:

    -Was a terrible student, culminating in failing out of three colleges
    -Only dated once, and almost six years ago
    -Still living with my parents
    -Have siblings much more stable and successful than myself

    I'm employed, but I'm not doing the kind of stuff I want to do. I was hoping to be involved in animation, art, or film in some way, but I'm a terrible artist, and even though I've gotten better over the years, I still suck.

    To make things worse, I hate the world and everything around me. No matter what people try and tell me, I'm convinced everyone is miserable and nothing is good any more. We've tried stuff like not reading Facebook any more so I don't see depressing status updates, but it doesn't matter. The smallest negative comment sets off a chain reaction that reminds me that everything sucks.

    I've had a suicide plan mapped out for years, and I'm thinking I should go through with it. Does anyone think otherwise? If you do, be specific. Don't just say things will get better, because they've never gotten better for me, only worse. I'm a hopeless case who should never have been born.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu cannot know what the future will bring hun none of us can know that. YEs you are struggling but with therapy with support and yes with age one position in life can and does change. You are not hopeless and your family care for you so much. You have succeeded where others have not you have employment hun You are seeing through eyes of depression hun you get help to decrease the depressive thoughts and you will see more light and less darkness hugs
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Yes,I think otherwise.. I know you say you dislike your job , what about volunteering for a place like the samaritans? That's an invaluable job. Saving lives. And only a tiny training program. If you do not like how your life is, do what you can to change things. You have a job so why can't you move out? Go to places where you can meet people where a relationship may eventually blossom? Never give up on yourself. I gave up on myself last year, I had it in my mind. It's going to happen now and its all over. I cannot state the method but I woke up days later in ICU after coming out of a coma. I was on life support. And my life has turned around since then. If I can do it, you can do it too :hug:
     
  4. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    My oldest son works (usually 70 hour weeks) and does not particularly like his job (due to the long hours and on salary at that), and though he had lived outside the house in his own apartment for a while, he has moved back in with us - at my request. He is almost 30. He has found it is cheaper to live at home and can enjoy his money on other things.

    If you're interested in the animation field but are not a great artist, then what about on the technical side? There is programming, running cameras, working on production staff. A friend of mine does that, he is a Line Producer at Universal Studios for all their animated features. Prior to that, he did the same at Disney. Lots of opportunity in animation/art without actually doing the art itself.

    I have over 1000 people on my Facebook page and I don't recall seeing any depressing status updates, so it may be the quality of the company you keep that is bringing you down..? Look to surround yourself with people who are positive, because it does rub off! :)

    Focus time and energy into the animation/art/film things. Maybe pick up a digital video camera and make some of your own shorts. Learn to use an editing program, create titles, special effects, etc. Maybe find some aspiring filmmakers to team up with, or submit some shorts to festivals and competitions. You have to start at square one, but there is always a progression. Have you taken any art classes at community college?
     
  5. JGF

    JGF Well-Known Member

    Still no results. I'm going to meetups and groups but can't meet anyone, changed my medicine to no avail, and continued to see how much more successful the rest of my family is. Why should I bother? People have told me things will get better for so long, a good chunk of my life has passed, and things are only worse.
     
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