For around a month I have been feeling extremely depressed but luckily not suicidal because of the cruise next month.After the cruise I might become suicidal though. You would think that makes me happy. Nothing at all will make me happy now. Total darkness. I am fat and ugly due to all the psych pills I have been on for the last 2 years. I hate taking medicine for that reason. Its not worth it. I am worthless and my brother is great. He will make all kinds of money while I struggle for my life. I have no future, just pain and suffering. Lately I have been having insomnia, I get up several hours before I want to get up. The only reason it isn't that severe is because I am taking valium and that helps me get to sleep easier. Before taking that med, I take several hours to get to sleep then I get up extremely early and not be able to go back to sleep. I lost interest in almost everything except the Internet. I start talking in a weird language or get confused around 20% of the day and during this time I can't communicate. I also have thought insertion from the FBI and CIA. I love the gov! The spy. They also control my movements and lately my arms go out of control like someone is controlling it. The government accuses me of all kinds of weird things. They say I am responsible for the recession and because I am depressed, there will be a Great Depression and it will be my fault. People hate me and I have proof. I had an art show in my area and thousands of people go to it. There was one artist in the front of the building and I was in the back. 90% of the people went to the other artist and blew me off like they wanted to kill me. They thought, "Make her suffer. She doesn't deserve to succeed." I even waved them over just in case they didn't see me. It didn't help. I hate myself. All the world's problems exist because I exist. Millions die because of me. Then aliens are after me as well. Both the government and the aliens implanted chips in me to control my thoughts and movements. The government also told me how they will kill me. The chips also contain little microscopic machines that will eat away my insides slowly and painfully until I die. I feel like cutting the chips out before they do that. How fun! I'm not eating much, I lost my appetite. There are times where I can't think straight. I have no brain! I can't cry no matter what. A few days ago a good friend died and I couldn't even cry about that! That isn't the cause of my current depression because it started way before the person died. Blame the high gas prices on me! What do I do about my depression?