I don't know anymore. I'm 23 and for the most part of my life I've been a loner. I preferred it that way though. I've was diagnosed with MDD for about 6 years now but I suspected having it for 2 years prior to that. I had a very limited friend group but recently I've had the addition of 3 amazing woman. Who I feel that even knowing them for 2 months now, it feels they have been there for years. They make me so positive but... Through this, I'm still severely depressed. I want to die so badly to be honest. Things are the best they have ever been for me but still I want to die. I just have no energy or motivation to live life. Even though these 3 women are amazing people, I just can't help but want to disappear. One of them even told me she loved me and all I could think is "How??", "Why?", "That is a mistake!". I'm not like the stereotypical bedridden depressed person. I'm undeniably myself and I have fun in the moment. I think this is what she fell in love with. I just know it cant be a thing because one day I probably will just find the courage.