Infected Kidney Stone and moving away soon. It depresses me...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by LostInMyDaydreams, May 28, 2016.

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  1. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member

    My stomach, side and back was aching and I thought it was constipation. Once it got to the third day, it got so bad that I had to call 911 and than come to find out I find out I have an infected kidney stone. I'm from the hospital now and they put a stent in so the kidney stone can pass through easily and the surgeon will be able to get to it during my next surgery which won't be until the 31st of May. My best friend Matt and also someone who I'm in love with came to visit me at the hospital. I held his hand, we kissed, gave me lots of hugs and told me that I'll be okay. He cares deeply about me and loves me, at the same time he doesn't want to get into a relationship with me cause he's been hurt by so many people. He has aspergers and I'm understanding about his disorder more and more. I always listen to what he has to say and I'm always trying to be supportive and understanding. He's my best friend and I love him, I don't care that he doesn't want to jump into a relationship anytime soon, my love for him tops it all. There's nothing that I expect from him and I don't want him changing his routine cause of me or anything. I want to love him for who he is and I don't want to change him. At one point he mentioned a relationship with me, I think he got scared though cause he's been hurt so many times in the past. People told me that I deserve better and that he's using me. He's been straight up with me from the very beginning and honest. I can see how hurt he is and how sad he is from his ex girlfriend's leaving him cause they didn't understand. His last ex hurt him so badly and met a new guy over World Of Warcraft, married this man and left him.

    My best friend works, is going to college to become a chef, has very little friends that he hangs out and relaxes at home a lot of the time. He's a hermit and doesn't like going out a lot of the time, which I'm very understanding. We both love nature, anime, communicating, World of Warcraftand I see that he's happy playing it once again and he's very honest and blunt which I love most of all. He jokes and says random things all the time. A lot of people think what he says is very odd and weird, I find everything he says to be funny. He's so smart and I love hearing him talk, especially love hearing him explain himself. Only thing is he's not very expressive with his words about how he feels for me. He tells me that he cares for me, he told me he loves me at the hospital and anytime I'm sad he always looks at me and asks me constantly, "Are you okay? You look sad." Over the phone today I told him if I look sad it's cause I'm thinking a lot and sometimes my thoughts get stuck on stuff. I don't want you worrying about me or feeling sorry for me. The only thing that's stressing him out is my depression which I can understand and this is something that I don't want. :( He didn't make me feel bad about it at all either. He's always here for me, it's just sometime he works all day and he comes home and watch TV to relax with me and than I just go on talking about issues. :( I can only imagine how he's coming back from work and he's already stressed out as it is and I don't want to make him feel worse, you know?? For once I want to go over there and talk about happy things.... I want our last days together to be memorable and full of nothing but laughter and joy. I truly want this.

    I have an infected kidney stone and I'm moving right after my surgery goes through okay. Right afterwards my mother and I are staying one more night in my town and than were both driving to the new house. I'll be 3 hrs away from him and this depresses me. I've put so much stress on him cause of me moving away and I feel horrible. He didn't guilt trip me or anything. He just told me that sometimes when he's stressed out, sometimes he doesn't know how to handle it and he kinda disappears for bit if it gets too much for it. Once I got sad over the phone, once again he told me, "I'm not mad at you or upset at you. I know your sad about moving and I know you have an infected kidney stone and this worried me a lot. Just want you to take care of yourself cause your stress and sadness is affecting me." Once I heard this I feel horrible and I told him I'm sorry. He told me to not be sorry and to relax and do something enjoyable for myself. Today I didn't eat all day hardly cause I've depressed myself so much me moving that I didn't get up out of bed to eat or do anything. Once he heard about this he talked to me longer on the phone, "I'm doing my best to comfort you. Please eat something. Your upset cause you haven't eaten all day. Your not going to feel better if you don't eat anything. Please eat and take care of yourself, please!" Hearing him speak to me woke me up and I wiped my tears from my face. I couldn't believe I got this low today and I've never ever got this low where I didn't eat anything. All I keep thinking about is moving away and not ever seeing him again. My heart is aching so much right now. Gosh I love him so much and today I was depressed all day cause of me moving away. I hope someone responds to this, cause I'm so upset about this entire situation. This is also the reason why I've been so depressed this month.....I'm getting sensitive and emotional over everything. It's truly affecting my life. :(
     
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hi Lost, I'm Sorry to hear to hear all you're going through. It's a difficult time. You and your friend both have problems that's are hard to deal with. Try and have faith that everything will work out as it's supposed to. Your friend sounds like a good person as do you, you're very understanding of his aspergers and that's a wonderful thing. I've found that life usually works out as it should. Hope everything goes well with your surgery and your move to a new house. Take care of yourself and have faith in life to guide you where you're supposed to be.
    Brian
     
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