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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jecie, May 20, 2013.

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  1. Jecie

    Jecie Active Member

    Okay, so I've been battling to stay positive about life and work and all the drudge involved in just living. We get up in the morning, go to work, get home, sleep, get up, go to work...and then weekends we see friends or family and even that feels like routine.

    I had one hope left, one BIG dream. Since I had my first period I wanted a baby. We have been trying for 8 years now and no dr could tell me why it wasn't happening. We finally saved up to see a specialist and his report was damning. It basically said that, as a woman I am not functioning. I will have to have an operation and because of many factors we will have to do IVF...I've heard of so much pain and disappointment. It also costs a bucket load of money. And you never do just one.

    I'm shattered. To be honest I'm not even thinking of dying. I'm just not thinking. I'm numb. When I go to work I overreact to everything drive like a maniac to just get home, get in my pajamas and just not see anybody, or speak, or laugh or cry or anything. Just leave me alone. Guys, I think I'm steering head-on for a big depression and I can't lose my job now. PLEASE, does anybody have advice (besides seeing my dr. made an appointment, but can only see her in two weeks). What do I do now, for today, to get through this and not destroy my marriage, my job, my life.
  2. loumerc

    loumerc Member

    Hi Jecie, you sound that you are in real pain. No one can feel your pain, you had this dream since you were very young and you are seeing your dream fading away. Jecie, the love you and your husband has, sounds very strong, you must use this love to over come this problem together . Maybe your husband does not react the way you do, but i'm sure he is also in pain. I agree with you that should do anything you can to have a child of your own, as you said IVF can have negative endings.There is a time in life that we have to face reality, which is very hard.We spend most of our life living indenial which is wrong.The worst thing that you can do is blaming yourself for this situation and the most important thing is to prepair yourself for any outcome. As for today, you have an appointment coming up with your dr., so this is some thing to look forward to. As for the weekend routine, you can spend more time alone with your husband, use the weekend to have more time with the man you love. WE, some times forget ourselfs and give our precious time to other people. Jecie, i'm a male and surely i cannot feel your pain, but i have been through rough times myself, so be strong Jecie and never let go.I hope that i haven't wrote anything that had hurt your feelings, if so please forgive me. All i want is that you be a happy person, enjoy the life you have with your huband and hope that your wish come through. Good Luck. :)
  3. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    I am infertile Jecie, my best mate got pregnant and had an abortion and was so blaise about it and this destroyed me as you can imagine. Sorry to mention that but brought it up cos I understand to some degree how you may be feeling. Do you know what is causing the infertility?
    With me I have PCOS and Endometreosis, I am also a child abuse and adult rape survivor and I do wonder if that has had something to do with my problems too.

    People who get pregnant at a drop of a hat, dont really want to be pregnant, take their babies/children for granted or worse hurt them and those who just have abortions really do not begin to think how women like us feel and suffer. Makes me mad. Just today I witnessed a mother with 2, who was in my eyes a totally unfit mother, and upsets me.
    I have sort of come to terms to fact wont be a mother, I have many health problems besides the above and am chronically ill so adoption is out the question for me and dont think being so ill could really look after child well enough as not well myself half the time, BUT dont stop the grieving and being upset.

    I bought some reborn baby dolls and have those in my life, women collect these as dolls but some women use them for comfort who like myself cannot have children.
    I get such comfort holding, dressing, etc them, obviously not the same and some people frown upon it, but they just dont understand.
    Have you heard of reborns? look online, esp E-bay and you will come across some which are so lifelike (and some not quite so) they even do children sized about aged 6 etc.

    My heart breaks cos cant be a mother, I am here if you would like to chat either on here or by private message.
    Take care yourself xx
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