Influencing people by just being there

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by scarlettdrknss, Apr 20, 2012.

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  1. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    well, i think a friend of mine tried out cutting because of me.

    it was like this:
    she made jokes about everything, especially things she didn 't get (she still does) but point is she constantly made jokes about emos and cutting. then as we got closer as friends, she stopped joking about emos and wearing black all the time since i do. then i told her once i that i cut and had tried to commit suicide. i didn't explain anything. but she immediately stopped making jokes (even though i never said anything against it or anything). we never talked about the suicide thing but after half a year she started saying weird things about pain, if it was all just in our heads, and i realized something was going to happen. but i didn't know how to stop it. she admitted to me that she had hurt herself with a scissor at first. i could just tell her to not do it at first. i felt so quilty and scared that she would end up like me. a few days later she had a cut on her arm. she showed it to me but hid it from everyone else. then we talked a bit about it. i admitted that i still hadn't stopped but did all i could to make her stop. luckily, she did. though she now also wears black almost all of the time and has even thought about dying her hair black.
    (btw, i hate using the term emo. i just don't know how else to put it)

    so, i know that being confronted by something makes you think about it and all but i never tried defending myself or 'emos' or cutting or black and yet just by being her friend, i seem to have influenced her.

    and then there's this other friend (they're the only two friends i have) and at first she made fun of the music i listen to (pot-hardcore, heavy metal, hard rock etc.) cuz she said they always sing about death and depression (which is not true btw) and now she started to listen to it as well.

    sometimes i feel guilty cuz i feel like i'm the reason they changed into something they shouldn't be or would never be without me around =[
    while i'm happy since i don't feel alone anymore, i feel awful, like i should leave them alone so they can be who they are.

    i am convinced my first friend only cut because i had shown her my scars and she had started thinking about it because of me.

    (i'm not sure if this even belongs here anymor xS the idea started with my friend cutting once but now... )
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun i think your friend had pain hidden inside and that is why she cuts You did not force her to take up this coping method I think if you and her could go some some therapy perhaps together you could learn different coping methods hugs to you
  3. Miss Misery

    Miss Misery Active Member

    The same thing happened to me when I first started with SH. An old friend of mine told me about cutting. At first I was freaked out. I thought it was disgusting. About a week later I tried cutting. I think I had an argument with my mom but I can't really remember. After that one time I saw SH as a way to let out my anger and hate. I don't blame him for influencing me. After all he didn't hold the blade on my skin. It was me.

    So please, don't blame yourself. I don't think she's cutting just because you do so. I'm sure she has a reason.
    I think she needs to seek some professional help because I don't want her to end up like me.

    Hugs <3
  4. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    thx for the replies guys =]

    i still think i'm the one that introduced her to it.

    luckily she doesn't do it anymore, she talks to me every time she's not feeling well instead of hurting herself. which makes me feel better about being the one to bringing her to it.
  5. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    The way you describe the topics she chooses to joke about, it sounds to me as though that was already a coping mechanism in and of itself. I think this is something she would have done eventually with or without your influence. Don't beat yourself up over it, you are not responsible for her actions. I am glad that you continue to be a supportive friend to her.
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I don't think you introduced her to the friend cut, my sister cut...sometimes I cut, but I didn't start doing it because they did. So don't blame yourself for it...just keep supporting her through this tough time.
  7. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    thx for the replies everyone, they help x]
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