Insane You're driving me Insane

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Username_, Apr 25, 2007.

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  1. Username_

    Username_ Guest

    I see no other way out of this than to kill myself. Either I have schizophrenia to the highest degree or there really are surveillance cameras in my house. In my old house I believed that there were people up in the attic, the constant thumping noise coming from above made me extra paranoid but my mom said it was nothing. There are surveillance cameras, I just know it. I am beyond the realm of sanity at this point I can't describe this feeling of complete and utter destruction of privacy, I think someone secretly placed a gps tracker in my mom's car and people most probably have gone into our apartment when we were not there and god knows what they did there and I think my phone is tapped and my computer is being messed with also the privacy service is crap and shit I am dieing here I am dieing I'm going to the point where I am afraid to be around people because I wonder if they are mind readers or something of that sort and God please why did you have to come into my life when all I wanted and all I needed was peace you don't seem to understand that I can't stand having eyes on me like this I would be happy if I go back to being insignificant you are killing me, you're killing me dammit can you hear me? YOU ARE KILLING ME. You're making my insanity worse by the minute and I am afraid to do anything these days I these days I can't go out and I can't stay in I don't know where to go because everywhere I go you're there inside or out you're there and it's killing me it's driving me insane is that what you truly want? Would you be happier if I just killed myself? Why are you doing this? Why? When is this all going to end? Are you even human? What am I, a zoo animal? Do you believe in this thing called privacy? Has it never even occured to you that all this is driving me insane? This is torture, there is no other explanation for this. I can't live like this. I really can't live like this. This is hell, this isn't life this is hell. You have driven my paranoia over the edge and my schizoprenia to a degree of helplessness and is this what you really want? To see someone my age go crazy like this and kill herself? I bet you don't even feel guilt or remorse, because a person like you, a person who would forcefully take away another person's privacy, is not even human. You are not human. You can't be human. No human being does this to another person. Especially to a person who is already mentally disturbed. I am just speechless. God I just need my privacy, I need for you to get out my life completely so that my paranoia and schizopreniia will end. Please.
     
  2. Robin

    Robin Guest

    I think it's good that you have some insight into your illness, you KNOW there is something wrong with how you think but maybe can't bring yourself to go to the drs and get seen to? The meds they have nowadays are very good, I'm on an anti psychotic it my life has improved significantly for the better since I've been on them. I'm not totally symptom free, like when I get stressed etc but mostly, day to day, I feel relatively ok. Pls, pls, pls seek help, they can halep you and they want to help you, there's no reaosn to suffer more than you have to and certainly not alone as you have found out by now that forums such as this exist on the net.
     
  3. GET HELP NOW. IT IS VITALLY IMPORTANT - THE SOONER YOU GET IT THE BETTER THE OUTCOME AND THE LOWER THE CHANCE OF RELAPSE.

    The fact that you have some insight is good, it means the outcome will be better.
    Trust me, I am a med student and I KNOW FOR A FACT, THE EARLIER YOU TAKE MEDS THE BETTER YOU WILL FEEL. TRUST ME.
     
  4. Username_

    Username_ Guest

    Yeah I'm going to see a professional in about a week. They might prescribe me medication, but if I take it and get worse then there really is no more hope. That would be the end of it. Anyway, I don't expect any of you to believe me but it's all true. Recently I'm suspecting that UAVs are closely monitoring me or a satellite is processing my body heat through the walls of my house to get accurate images of me and my daily activities. See, even in the comforts of my own home I'm not safe from scrutiny. Or more recently I have begun to believe that I am constantly in the presence of mind-readers or telepathics- or perhaps through neuroimaging they can predict my actions and thoughts. I'm trying to keep my mind perfectly blank or throw out randomn thoughts/images to baffle them. Or have you considered the possibility of OBE gurus systematically leaving their bodies and spying on various people, then returning shortly afterwards? Is it possible for heat sensors to be placed within the walls of a house? These things are all too true- people only use my beliefs as an indicator of a mental disorder when in fact it's not- it's a clever ploy to keep the unsuspecting masses in ignorance so that anyone who comes to this realization is shut up and coined "insane." Hah. Anyway, despite that I want to take medication and shut my mind up, because, in all honesty, "ignorance is bliss."
     
  5. Username_

    Username_ Guest

    Does anyone know the significance of three dots, that if connected forms an upside down triangle? However everytime I see this, one of the dots are out of place- either it is too large of too small. For the past several years I've seen re-occuring reminders of this upside down triangle- scraps on the floor forming this image or bits of plaster protuding from the wall forming three dots in an upside-down triangle shape, etc. I've looked it up and researched it but all that came up was a satanic cult website in which the upside down triangles was one of their symbol. Is it possible that I have been a victim of satanic rituals in the past? Am I being controlled/manipulated, is my memory being erased peridocially? Are my past memories merely fabrications? Who am I? Am I really who I think I am? Why do I see random, but extroadinarily vivid images of Mary and a baby Jesus, and other times a girl seated on a chair with a satanic symbol etched on the floor beneath her? Why, when I am semi-concious, do I have eidetic memory, but when I am fully concious it dissapears? Why, when I am semi-concious, do I hear audible voices, but when I am fully awake there is only silence? Am I the product of an experiment? Are my actions- my very thoughts- being controlled, were they pre-determined, am I merely a test subject? A sacrifice? Why do I experience deja-vus so often? What is real? What is fake?
     
  6. Username_

    Username_ Guest

    Or is it possible that I am living in some sort of simulated reality? Am I being conditioned? Am I being subject to post-hypnotic cues? Why were certain things the way they were when I was small? It's all starting to make sense now. I'm SUPPOSED to seek a psychiatrist and seek professional help. I'm SUPPOSED to be given medication to shut me up, to keep me in an oblivious state. Ha. Never.
     
  7. Username_

    Username_ Guest

    I want to say something to some people (they know who they are):

    It's not entirely your fault. I've actually been this way for the past few years- 7th grade to be exact. However you were the trigger that plunged me deeper into my own personal hell. Thanks a lot, assholes.
     
  8. Xaos

    Xaos Well-Known Member

    ok, i dont speak much, sometimes i have urges to, i had an urge to speak here, i was about to stop, but i thought no, i will... so.. i just think ur brave to be honest, i have had similar experiences.. feelings like your being watched, its like theres a presence there with u.. worrying that people can read your mind, like your sitting there, and ur havin a personal thought, sumthing u dont want any1 to know, and u just dont think it, i stopped sittin with people, lol, my memory is kinda refreshed, i kind of know why i stopped seeing people now, and why i dont really have any friends, lol, this was part of it, i used to see like blurs of light, and sumtimes blurs of dark, sumtimes colours, but for the first few months, just light, like proper light, like if u saw a lightening bolt, it would just flicker in front of me, or within my vision... i remember me and my friend used to smoke round his house and it was like things happened in some sort of wierd syncronicity, and we'd b in silence and we'd look at each other, and it was like we were picking up on each others thoughts through facial expression, through standing there, cos i remember having an argument with him, i lips wern't moving, and eventually he said that he'd had enough and was going to bed, when all we were doing was, well only way i can explain it is pullin faces, not like sticking our fingers in our mouths and stretching, lol, but.. just.. well.. it was strange... and how i was thinking that i didnt want to hang with him any more, and was sort of projecting that in my mind, then out of no where, the song where it says 'i think your better off alone' started playing, but it started at that part, and just stuff basically, i used to link things together in my mind, like u could see like some sort of way that on a spiritual (if thats even the right word) level of what made u go where and how, and how wierd things happened, its just complicated... oh yeh, and i used to hear voices, it fuckin bugged me, it would just be an odd word hear and there... usually being contravercial to whatever i was thinking, like it would call me gay, boring, it would say 'who' as in like who do u think u r, cant remember it all now, but it just got to me... either way, strange thing.. christmas last year, i walked out my room, it was like a figure of blue light sort of just past through me it wernt just visible like before, it was body sized, from that day on, i stopped seeing flashes of light, the dark shadowy things, the colours, the voices stopped, and by then my scaredness of people tappin my thoughts and being watched had calmed anyway, but it was like sum xmas fairy came and sorted it out for me... i know i sound like a retard, but hey.. just wanted u 2 know, u aint in ur own boat, i, probably along with many others jump in and out of every now and then.. oh yeh... the voices hav come back a lil lately, but rarely, and it isnt as annoying, like for example it would tell me i'm lieing... anyway, i have spoke enough shit, thanks for reading... oh yeh, i find art helps, if u enjoy it or can get into it, it can be refreshing to see what u've made, whether or not ur any good is in ur eyes, personally i'd rather look at my piece or art that i created that i like, than some1's piece who can draw better than me, its just that satisfaction thing... anyway, blah... thanks.. haha, just as i thought i'd finished.. i do sumtimes get a bit para stil about people readin my mind, but now it aint really like exact thoughts, its more of just like an emotional thing.. like if i'm pissed off with sum1, i usually keep shut unless they push my boundaries, but its like they can feed off it and feel it and i can feel they are gettin annoyed with me.. anyway, thanks again, night
     
  9. Xaos

    Xaos Well-Known Member

    sorry, i sort of invaded your thread and told u about me.. i find i do that a lot (even now i've agknowledged it) but what mde me reply was pretty much all of it, well being able to relate (somewhat) and that last bit u said, people knowing who they are.. wel chances are they arent reading this.. but if it was bullies, people who generally stepped out of there path just to piss u off... well i've been there too, fuck em
     
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