Man im a SAD FUCKING INSECURE SACK OF SHIT at times. There ya go, the truth is out there! and I dont want to believe, I DO BELIEVE! ...and thats the problem. How to fight this belief, the belief that you're not worthy of something or someone? the belief that failure is guaranteed? the belief that doing nothing and waiting on the inevitable pain, is somehow better than taking action to avoid it? This insecurity not only attacks your relationships with other people, it kills your drive, your desire for self improvement, your ability to do the most simple things - like make a fucking phone call, go out the window. I really want to believe that I can be an interesting person, a desirable person to be with, but my insecurity and pathetic self esteem, makes me boring, makes me poison to be around at times. I want something that doesnt exist, in both my personal life, and my professional life - a guaranteed win. I cant take any more /epic fails and the really evil thing is, the fucking backstabbing gremlin with the butter knife that is "my insecurity" makes failure the only outcome possible. Its a cruel world.