Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ~PinkElephants~, Oct 9, 2008.

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  1. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I am the most insecure person. I question people's motives. I don't trust people easily. I've been dating this guy for about a month now. I do like him. I'm assuming he likes me or he wouldn't be spending time, effort, money, etc. on me. The problem is when we aren't hanging out or talking I automatically think and assume he's fuckin' around with someone else. I have always had these issues. I don't want to bring them up with him right now because the relationship is so new. I don't know what to say or what to do. I just feel the inevitable coming where I break up with him because I think he's going to/is cheating on me. UGH...

    What to do?
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I couldn't say what to do. For the most part, I assume that honesty is the best policy, but that's taken me down some socially unacceptable paths. My instinct would still be to tell him that you are insecure, even if you don't go so far as to say your mind wanders to cheating. The sooner he finds this out, though, the less trouble you will have over it. If it comes out in an argument, rather than a supportive situation, it will probably mean a lot of trouble.
  3. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    I understand. I do the same thing. In fact last night I almost ruined the relationship I'm in because of my paranoia. It get's pretty bad. I'm around if you need to talk. Take care, hun. :hug:
  4. Ever ask yourself where these feelings come from? You need to look. Yeah - to be honest with another person you care for, and who cares for you is a GRAND thing! But that's an awful huge onus to put on them, expecting them to understand all of your fears from the outset...without knowing them yourself...

    If you're going to "go there", sure it's nice to go together. But you need to look inside your own heart first...If you are wary, what has made you so? It's not fair to offer what isn't there within yourself, yet expect it from another.

  5. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    The insecurity stems from my past. Mostly it's from being cheated on by the guy I thought loved me and wanted to marry me but in the end he just wanted to go fuck every other girl he could find. The trust ws completely shattered then and there and from then on I simply broke up wiht ppl before they could hurt me. I don't like being hurt because it just shoves me so many steps back from trying to better myself.

    This guy Rob. He seems wonderful. Can looks be decieving? I've been dating him for a month. We've talked about things and it's never gone too in depth. I just don't know whether I trust him explicitly. It's hard ot let that barrier down completely. How am I to trust someone when we only see each other once a week?
  6. Hi Kiana. I think that you have to be more trusting of people and not question everyone's motives. I understand that you were hurt in the past, and this makes it difficult to trust people, but if you really want to be happy, you have to start trusting people again. Rob sounds like a nice guy. Give him a fair chance. And don't automatically think that he's cheating on you when he's away. People need their space in relationships and don't want to feel like they're being smothered.
  7. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Well its like you told me Kiana, you have to hope for the best even when your expecting the worse. In my case its thinking ill be left, in your case is thinking youll be cheated on.

    I do think it would be nice to see each other more than once a week though, step the relationship up a level and see how he responds. If he wants to fuck around he probably wont want your relationship to get too serious, see how he reacts, is he comfortable with it? keen on seeing your more? those would be good signs.

    Good luck with it, you deserve to be loved.
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