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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by monnie101, Sep 20, 2009.

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  1. monnie101

    monnie101 Member

    I'm actually doing alright but I lived a life of childhood horrors. I used to get beat a lot and other stuff I'm sure you've heard before. At 15 I slept on the streets. I actually had some people help me but I often would not want to bother people. Ironically, asking an Aunt for help resulted in her not wanting to get involved. I went to the police and they didn't do anything! I told them they could go to my house and I described my father cutting the phone lines, beating my brother black and blue, they told me to go home and if it happens again to call them! That was when I was around 14.

    I can identify with a lot of posts. When I was younger I was super suicidal but I never had many attempts because I knew that most suicide attempts are failed ones in which one wakes up with permanent damage to their body. Then I got a sure method that rarely fails, I sat there thinking and thought, "I might as well take some risks at doing something great in life, then if I fail I can do it." That kept me going for a while. But then I started self medicating with drugs (Heroin)(I'm not a person who liked doing drugs either) and that made me happy but I obviously couldn't do that forever. It's a 24/7 job that involves a lot of dope sickness and I was a dealer too. I went through counseling and therapy, got on antidepressants which I can't live without.

    Fast Forward

    Music is what always kept me alive. I just recently came out with my 3rd release on CD. I still have thoughts of suicide sometimes such as, "I'll never make it, maybe I'm wasting my life away, etc." I'm also on disability which I am EXTREMELY thankful for finally getting!! I'm going to write the doctor a thank you letter because people don't realize how huge a life saver this program is. I got Medicare/Medicaid and SSI. It's not much but it's a HUGE helper for me.

    I think I can help people and often do

    I like to say that if I can make it, anyone can. I've been through some horrible things. But I've read self-help books, thinking positive books, etc and found exactly what the biggest problem was. The more negative you think, the more it subconsciously has you having bad stuff happen to you. I thought I had the worst luck in life. I'm actually writing a book about my life now but it's very difficult and painful so I often put it off.

    I like the smileys here, they are funny --> :sparkle: --> :mortdesinos:
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF. I am sorry to hear about all your childhood struggles. You are a true survivor and someone to be admired. I thank you for your courage. Congratulations on your CD and best of luck writing your book. I hope to see you around the forum. :hug:
  3. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums!
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Welcome and i am so glad you got the financial support you needed and the help to get off the drugs and support. The police don't do anything ifound that out as well they just didn't listen. Im sorry you had to go through so much at such a young age. I hope the world will continue to be better for you now take care and thanks for sharing your story.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :welcome: to sf :)
  6. Xenos

    Xenos Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF :D
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