Inside I'm screaming while outside I'm smilling

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jell, Oct 20, 2014.

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  1. jell

    jell Well-Known Member

    Im so done with it all, i have this black sludge that is invading every part of my body, i am in supported accommodation yet as i phoned my gp friday i get into total shit, the fact is i didn't know what else to do, i didn't sh, take anything, drink or do anything but just phone my gp. from this i am told i am passive aggressive by the staff where i live..........I didn't want to do anything wrong but i am struggling big time i a not far from falling off the edge but all i get it criticism for asking for help from other sources don't they see i am desperate and all i want to do is find something to help me, i do not know what this is, i have children they are meant to give you the will but right now i feel hopeless, worthless and i know I'm starting to plan in my head its like having a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. the angel are my children but even thats fading, if i do anything i am threatened with eviction so if i do anything it has to be complete, at times in the past i have chanced it, like russian roulette but i know that is definitely out the question i am so desperate i really don't know what else to do unless it really is go through with my plans. sorry i just don't know where else to write what is really going on in my head.
     
  2. Hunlie

    Hunlie New Member

    Ok ...hold off from doing anything for the moment , take a breath and focus .

    Now you aren’t too specific in your post but I am gonna assume you're pretty ill , not sure what you mean by black sludge and as your are in supported accommodation , I’m not sure what kinda program you're in or what kinda support you receive but it sounds like you are having a conflict with the staff …

    so ok , first things first ...time to put an act on , hold in your anger and frustration for the moment , put on a weak , completely passive "Yessir Nosir" mask and speak to whom ever is in charge , make out you're dumb and hopeless …

    The reason for doing this is to lure the staff into a false sense of security and catch them off guard , if they try to prevent you from speaking with the person in charge then I want you to get it on record and call or if you're able actually go to the citizens advice bureau and tell them your story , I want you to also speak to your GP about this , no one can stop you from seeking medical attention and it is "Illegal" for anyone to even try to do this.

    If you can actually speak to the person in charge , tell them whats happening and make sure why it is your being prevented from contacting your GP especially since your GP will actually be part of any medical attention you receive , if they try to screw you over ...then you can switch gears and pull your guns out .
     
  3. jell

    jell Well-Known Member

    Im due to move out soon this is independent living with staff in an office 24/7 so if i need them i call them. They were so angry with me for going to the gp, i said i wanted to phone a telephone support place for my area, as i have to go through them to do this, but wasn't allowed to. i am at the end of my tether i was in hospital for over 7 years hence I'm in supported accommodation. I have only been sectioned once since being out and know i couldn't let that happen again but i know i am falling so very hard and can't find a way to pick myself up.
    I don't want to be here that as what its all about. Yet my children are soooo important too i just feel in a quandary at the moment and its hard to hold on realistically. I do the nicely nicely approach and get told I'm passive aggressive Inever want to hurt people ever whether it be physically or verbally it crushes me thats why...................I guess i just feel i can't do anything right in there eyes they are always right and i am always wrong well hey theres my life, always in the wrong
     
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