Insomnia and anxiety at 3am

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Brian777, Mar 14, 2016.

  1. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Every night, awake with mind racing worry. Feelings of depression and fear, it gets so tiring. I don't believe life was meant to be like this. I usually just read another self-help book, but after years of reading and hundreds of books I've lost hope that anything works. Probably it's not the books but me. It's selfish to feel like I do. I've seen so many people fighting for their lives with cancer etc, me.....I'm just waiting for the end and release from this torment. How ironic it is. I have thoughts of ending it frequently, but to be honest, I lack the courage and I need to look after my dog. I really have no one close I can speak with, they'd probably have me locked up which scares me more than anything. This is why I'm writing this here, cause I know the people here understand what I feel. I've only been here a short time but I've become to consider you all like family and I so appreciate the non-judgemental understanding you show. This is a safe place to come to, the only place I know of that I feel okay in. Anyway, I'm just rambling and figured I write it down. Prayers and love to you all.
    Brian
     
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    *hugs*

    Brian I am so sorry you have to deal with this, insomnia is awful on it's own, and combined with anxiety...
    Have you had any therapeutic help to get the racing thoughts under control? DBT here might be a little different but I remember working on racing thoughts and how to slow them down or accept them.

    Maybe your 'lack of courage' is just the opposite. Something in you wants to fight to keep you around; because it can get better.

    I have my own un-official way to help me sleep when my head is racing too bad or I'm worried about bad dreams... I tell myself a story, imagining and feeling the things in the story... I've done that since I was a kid.

    But you need to find what works for you.

    Be kind to yourself, okay?
     
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  3. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Awe thank you for your response and suggestions my friend. I have a referral to a psychiatrist for depression and anxiety, but I'm still waiting on them scheduling me.....hopefully soon. I just started trying meditation, actually just finished 20mins now and it seems to have calmed me so far. I must keep doing it and see how it goes. I get scared about losing control of my mind, when I get a panic attack it's really scary with depersonalization/derealization.
    I hope you're doing okay phantom lady, I know you had a difficult weekend. Take care of yourself and hope you feel better soon.
    (((Hugs)))
    Brian
     
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  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Keep doing the meditation, it's a skill that has to be trained and learned. The more times you use it, the better it works and you'll get more in control
    I hope you get to see the psychiatrist soon! Waiting on help is no fun. I've been there. Hang in there!
    I'm happy you're getting some help, hopefully soon!

    Thank you for asking about me. I'm working on getting better.

    *hugs* I hope you feel better
     
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  5. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I will PhantomLady, thank you for your kindness you're a good person. I found the meditation in a book and it's supposed to be for anxiety and depression so I figured it was worth a try. Staying motivated to keep doing it will be the challenge, it'll be okay on good days, it's the bad days that'll be difficult. But I'll do what I can and yes I wish they'd get me my appointment with the doctor. I think he needs to adjust my medication or change it.
    (((Hugs)))
    Brian
     
  6. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    It helps me to distract my mind when I want, I don't know if it could help in your case or not,
    But what I do is, I have chosen a good and safe memory (it can be any memory from your childhood/ a nice day/ literally any good memory that does not drive your mind into a sub-sequent bad/sad memory, I call it good and safe) . This memory is my escape strategy, whenever I realise that some thought are coming to my mind that I don't want them, I actively try to remember my good memory and put effort on picturing its details as much as possible. It distracts me from my original thought for a while. And I repeat it after a while, when again bad thoughts are coming to my mind.
     
  7. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Thank you for the suggestion Sahel, I'll give it a try :)