Insomnia discussions

[Sonder]

You know you have the right partner when their imperfections become part of their perfection.

 

[TonyNelson]

I guess that suggests that any one person has an ideal match out there somewhere. It’s just a matter of finding that one special person .

 

[Sonder]

I guess that suggests that any one person has an ideal match out there somewhere. It’s just a matter of finding that one special person .

I think there are 3 main aspects of a relationship.
Friendship, Intimacy and Communication
I believe that we are able to adapt when it comes to Friendship on areas we differ.
Less so when it comes to intimacy and zero chance to adapt if communications are wrong.

So there are many ideal matches out there, it just depends on which area you are prepared to adapt/compromise on.

 

[TonyNelson]

I do so agree that communication is a very important aspect in a relationship. Without good communication there is no chance for meaningful intimacy nor friendship.

 

[Sonder]

Yes, and without communication there is no way of fixing anything.... This came as a stark realization to me 5 years ago. .... and like you have said..... friendship and intimacy devalues due to lack/bad of communications

 

[TonyNelson]

We must then take the lessons learnt in life and try and move forward with them. Hoping, I guess, that we can get it right next time. Or, at least do less wrong.

 

[Sonder]

Yup.

 

[TonyNelson]

Wow.
Saying this is the easy part, the hard bit is actually moving on. As with myself, we must continue to keep trying and not let negative opinions drag us down.

 

[Sonder]

Yes, very easy to say but more difficult to put into practice.... but that should be the goal.
Accept that we can not change the past.
Get rid of guilt and blame.
Learn, grow and move on.
and embrace time as the ultimate healer.

 

[TonyNelson]

That is very hard to top. I guess, I wish healing time were double placed.

 

[Sonder]

@TonyNelson I just read your post... I understand your replies in better context. I hope my post and replies help..

 

[Sonder]

All I can say is that when the time is right, you need to draw a line in the sand and let the past be past. Ironically , I am in a different but similar position.... there is nothing I can do to change fiction. It has become reality for people around me. It makes you feel alone, hard done by, bitter....... and there is nothing you can do about it....... I am with you.

 

[TonyNelson]

Thanks for that follow-up. Yes, insomnia is something I know about. It’s 2 am where I am and although I wish I could go to sleep your thoughtful reflections on relationships has definitely allowed me to evaluate my own life. Staying awake to read them has been worthwhile. So yes, they have been helpful.

 

[TonyNelson]

I know only too well that people’s opinions on fictitious version of one’s own life cannot be easily altered, if at all. I too have been bitter and cursed my very existence. Drawing a line in the sand is an excellent suggestion. Now, how to convince others that’s what I’ve done?
Bitterness is best avoided as it destroys you from the inside out. I urge you to take on-board your own suggestions, if you haven’t done so already. Thank you so very much for your understanding.

 

[Sonder]

You that is where the problem is... convincing others...... You can't. Unless you have proof and trust me, even if you have proof some people will still prefer to believe what they want to believe or believe what is better to gossip about....
So when you draw that line in the sand you have to say 'fuck it' to who ever believes what ever... and let it go.
I don't even care about what people say or think, I care for those that stayed, bothered to ask questions, bothered not to assume.........
I am with you on bitterness..... I am 5 years down the line and only recently realized I am bitter..... I am actively working on getting rid of my bitterness.

I am having a big smile on your line... "I urge you to take on-board your own suggestions, ...."
Almost everything I have said here on SF I not just said for others but also to myself.. I still have a long way to go.

and now it is my turn to say to you: Thank you so very much for your understanding.

 

[TonyNelson]

I hesitated to post on this forum tonight, not believing anything good could come from it just more condemnation. But to find your posts and reflections and even your like mindedness was very reassuring and helpful. So, I have no regrets in posting my story tonight.
Good luck with your growth and I hope you’re determined approach to move forward is successful. Certainly a new level of appreciation of those around us that are willing to listen and not assume has been realised by both you and I.