Inspirational levels sinking...worthlessness raising...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by boostfed, Dec 6, 2008.

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  1. boostfed

    boostfed Member

    As another day passes, another thought of uselessness joins. Not a day goes by I dont ask myself the question "why am I here?". I feel like i have fell to an all time low. My dad and mom separated when I was age 1. I lived with my mom all through my life, until recently. My mom was recently put in jail for a major crime and she wont even see me graduate from high school from her sentence. My mom's "track record" was never great, and has been through about 7 guys in the past 6 years. When your parents go through a divorce, you go through a divorce. I have to live with my dad, and my dad has no reason for me and has kept that promise to him for a long time. I had to change schools systems for what my mom did. I dont have friends, im an antisocial fux up who has no other reason to live for. I picture myself dozens of time to just put a gun to my head ad pull the trigger with no regret. I have kept all these feelings to myself because there is no other reason to give it to people that do not matter to me. I wanted to just end this miserable, worthless, useless, unnecessary life like i have had it this far. I know that bullcrap about "well, we know you're thinking about it, and well you're obviously using something to live for considering you haven't committed it yet." I have nothing to live for it feels like. People around me dont seem to exist. And I feel like ive even hit rock bottom for speaking out on this.
     
  2. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome to the forum.Sounds like you've had a really tough upbringing. It's a shame anyone has to grow up in such circumstances. Don't think you are worthless though because you are as important as anyone else on the planet. I'm glad you've found the forum and hope that speaking out like you have is infact the first step towards reclaiming your life rather than a case of hitting rock bottom. There are some great people here who I hope you will get to know. We are all here to help and support each other. I've benefited greatly by being here and I hope you will too. Talking about these kind of things with others who understand makes it easier to cope. At least that has been my experience. If ever you need to chat there will always be someone here who will listen. Best wishes. S.:smile:
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Boostfed,

    Welcome to SF.

    I'm sorry to hear that you had such a tough life. You have stayed strong, please keep doing that. Suicide isn't the answer.Make school your top priority for now, that will keep your mind from thinking negatively. I recommend that you see a doctor for your depression. You sound extremely depressed. Have you ever had counseling? You shouldn't have to suffer alone. I'm here if you need a friend, or just need someone to talk to. Stay safe and take care..keep fighting :)

    :hug: Lynn
     
  4. boostfed

    boostfed Member

    Never had counseling because I cant afford it. Never went to anyone for it, because I'm subconscious, and fear of judgmental.
     
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry about the unfortunate things that have happened in your life so far. You have opened up to us here and that is the first step. If at all possible you should talk to someone about your feelings. Maybe a school counselor or teacher if there is one you trust. Sometimes there are programs available through the school that you are unaware of that you may find helpful. I do not know what is in your area so I can't be certain. How long have you been in your new scool system?
     
  6. boostfed

    boostfed Member

    4 months.
     
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Boostfed,
    Welcome to the forum. You don't have to live in the shadow of your parents. Your mom is an adult and has had to pay the price for what she did. Don't let that drag you down. There was nothing you could do to change things.
    Right now I agree with daseychain that you should concentrate on school so you can go to college once you gradguate high school. You need to look towards a future that might fulfill your dreams.
    You should contact social services or what ever it is called where you live and find out about aid to see a therapist. You are still a juvenile so you shouldn't have to much trouble getting financial help to see someone. You can't just hold it all in. It will just fester inside of you. Thats probably why you are so down on yourself.
    I have found that the forum has been very beneficial to my way of thinking. There are alot of people here who will be here for you. You will see, it's like one big family because when you are troubled they come to aid you into staying on a positive path instead of letting the negative thoughts take control. I for one and the others that have already replyed to you are here to lend you an ear to get things out in the open where you can deal with them. I wish you the best and don't be afraid to come to us, that is why we are here. Take Care!!~Joseph~
     
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