My entire life my relationship with my dad has been very tough. He was occasionally mildly physically abusive but primarily the issue was emotional abuse and absence from my life other than being a physical presence. It has been hard because of how it always played out, I was the problem and not my father. The problem, in my family's eyes, was that I blew up or reacted to his baiting me and not that he was baiting me. When my parents divorced, my relationship with him got slightly better, mostly because he moved 15 hours away so our interactions were minimal and rare. A few years ago they moved back to be near my nephew, their only grandchild, and things have been horrible since then. A year prior to them moving back, they stayed with my now-husband and me for five days and during that time my now-husband saw the manipulation, the passive-aggressiveness, and the 'teasing' about things important to me that my dad does endlessly. My husband was the first person to EVER validate how I felt about what my father does and says to me. About a year ago, I tried to start working on my relationship with my dad. He and I had dinner, talked thins out, and agreed that we would work on our relationship more -- just him and I without my stepmother inserting herself. A few weeks later it was Christmas time and after six left messages and four sent emails, he finally sent me an email to tell me that he changed his mind and wanted to go back to seeing me only rarely. Honestly, I would have been fine with that had he not handled it the way he did -- ignoring my phone calls and emails, especially over Christmas, was very hurtful and it felt like my stepmother was involved in this change of heart. At that point, I told him I did not want him to contact me again, period. That I would contact him when and if I decided I was ready to continue a relationship with him. I thought I would give it a year and just after Christmas this year I would try to start talking to him again but here I am and I just do not want to do that but have been struggling with guilt and pressure from my mom and sister about reconnecting with him. So, long story short, yesterday I saw my psychologist and talked out the entire relationship with my dad -- I had not talked to him about my dad before so it felt really good to finally talk about it. I told him that I did not know what to do at this point. He asked what positive things my dad adds to my life (none that I could think of), what negative things he adds to my life when he is in it (anxiety, anger, etc), and then he asked this -- "Without any pressure from anyone else, if you did not consider anyone else's opinion on this, what would you want in terms of a relationship with your dad?" Instantly I said "I wouldn't want one at all" His response floored me -- "Then that is what is right for you" And just that easily I had someone telling me that it is okay to not try to have a relationship with my dad, ever again, if I choose to.... I am still not entirely sure WHAT I will do about this long-term but it is pretty unburdening to know that I do not have to do ANYTHING about this now or ever. That sometimes it is ok to end or not try to continue relationships when those relationships are causing a person so much pain. EVEN IF IT IS A PARENT. I still have the guilt and sadness about this to deal with.....part of me thinks I 'should' try harder with him even though I have truly tried VERY hard with him. What are other people's thoughts on this? Am I horrible to consider not going any further with my father?