I keep having nightmares. They are getting progressively violent. it has gone from my family yelling at me to me yelling at them to me beating the sh!t out of people. yelling and screaming. saying "I didnt take my meds today so you need to back the f#ck off", like they are some kind of barrier between being who I want to be and just completely becoming my father. it sickens me that I feel like after 2 years I am becoming more and more like him. angry and abusive. god i just want the nightmares to stop. I am afraid to sleep, and i hate being awake. I can't blog my feelings anymore because zoloft has robbed me of my ability to concentrate on anything. I actually despise that and the fact that I don't have my previous suicide notes. *updated my OS so it wiped em :/ * i dont know how to tell my counselor that I feel empty not being able to read them or to have the ability to write another as good or better. that it is like I am talking and no one is listening if i cant read them. that I feel like there is some one that understands me if I read them to myself. that I admire the poetry in it, the romantic relationship that i bestow upon my own death/suicide. *I know many would disagree and I dont blame you* ....I am just so tired, physically, emotionally and everything inbetween. in advance sorry moderators if there is "too much" in here. I haven't reviewed the posting rules in a while. I am doing it now actually..