Interests - How do you even tell with depression?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Obsessive, Feb 18, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Obsessive

    Obsessive Well-Known Member

    I don't feel pleasure from anything at all. Closest I ever feel to it is relief. It always seemed that normal people would be able to enjoy virtually anything, gravitating towards whatever they were best at as their main interest. Thing is on top of no pleasure from anything I do I'm not good at anything.

    In the past I've only ever been interested in child stuff - cartoons, toys, etc. Feels like ever since I grew up I've just had a huge void. Have been playing the MMOs since I was about 12, but they stopped being fun a long time ago and just became an addiction - the illusion of progress and the simplicity of the genre kept me going. However, now they are becoming more complex and blatantly repetitive. It's probably pointless to play at all at this point, but I chose to be addicted so I could feel like I was doing something. Without it though there's nothing at all.

    My mind just can never focus to actually process, comprehend, or remember anything, so there goes a whole bunch of potential things to do. Even watching TV feels like a chore because I usually don't understand what's going on. I'll still watch cartoons just because they're easy to follow. I get even less out of reading books - I can read, but don't actually absorb any of it. The words go through my head, but they have no meaning as just words. Never satisfied with anything I do either - hell, it's exhausting just going over the words in this post over and over to see if it came out right. Looking back, I'm not even sure why I wrote this... what a stupid question to ask how I can find things to enjoy when I don't even possess the capacity to enjoy.

    Been on a few dozen medications and had ECT. Ma pretty much convinced me to give up on medication doing a damn thing since I've been on everything at least once, so it's just hoping for some random miracle cure now while I just wait out the duration of a pointless existence.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is so hard to be interested in anything when you are in a darkness that allows no light in. Your meds you said you have tried many. What about the newest ones out there i hear saphris is excellent abilify others too don't give up okay get a new pdoc if this one has given up but shift things around abit so you have someone that has a different look on things. doing the same thing over and over is not going to change anything so maybe time to change things abit hugs
  3. Screaminginsilence

    Screaminginsilence Well-Known Member

    This might sound OT but if you were stranded on a desert island, what 3 things would you want with you?

    Mine would be my cat, some books andddd my boy...
  4. Obsessive

    Obsessive Well-Known Member

    I've been on abilify, never heard of that other. Anytime I bring medication up though to Ma it becomes a huge debate about how I've already tried everything, some multiple times, so no doctor would prescribe anything. And when my social worker talked to Ma recently after talking to a doctor he knew he said that the doctor agreed that I've pretty much had every medication and could only recommend looking into transcranial magnetic stimulation, which is basically just a step up from ECT. And Ma knows a lot more about this stuff than I do, so it's pointless to argue.

    Is medication the only way to start feeling any pleasure at this point?
  5. Obsessive

    Obsessive Well-Known Member

    I literally can't think of anything I'd want. Hate a lot of people, especially my own family, although I need Ma especially since there isn't a lot I can do on my own. I'm Asperger's, so I don't form any real social bonds. I also don't fall in love, or experience awe or beauty. My pets are irritating, but not as annoying as people. Like I said, computer is just an empty addiction. TV and books make me feel like crap most of the time because of my brain problems. Only music I listen to are a small handful of old mp3s that simply invoke nostalgia of when I used to enjoy playing some computer games. There isn't even food I like to eat; I have sensory issues and have always had a very limited diet, and I've grown tired of what little I could eat. Over the years I've just have one meal a day - always pasta. Kraft macaroni and cheese and spaghetti and sauce, although now I'm just limited to the Kraft because I can't find a new sauce to eat spaghetti with.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 18, 2011
  6. no..

    try long distance running.. run until you are completely exhausted.. do it 3 times a week and soon, get yourself in a marathon run.. get the finisher medal or try finishing the race.. it really works better than medications.. the feelings and emotions you get..

    i recovered from suicidal thoughts and severe depression without medications.. only through long distance running daily.. it affects my asthma very badly initially but soon, my asthma got better, my negative thoughts disappeared and i feel so good now.. i am still running long distance daily..
  7. Obsessive

    Obsessive Well-Known Member

    But doesn't runner's high require a capacity to feel pleasure in the first place? I've tried plenty of physical stuff over the years - tennis in college during summer, a year of karate, over a year of group workout sessions at the gym a few times a year. I can't motivate myself, so I have to have someone constantly on my case. Even then it doesn't take much to exhaust me to the point of dizziness, but I've never experienced the euphoria people describe from exercise.
  8. Screaminginsilence

    Screaminginsilence Well-Known Member

    Personally i wouldnt describe it as a sense of euphoria, more of being proud of overcoming a challenge x
  9. Obsessive

    Obsessive Well-Known Member

    But that's hardly exclusive to exercise. Everyone I ever knew who suggested exercise for depression, especially my dad, emphasized the runner's high - a supposedly addictive feeling after exhausting yourself completely. Never any further explanation given.

    Exercise has always been just another chore for me. The last thing I need for the rest of my life is another ongoing chore. It isn't just a do it when you feel like it kind of thing, it's a constant maintenance where even stopping for a little bit will make all your previous effort a complete waste.
  10. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I think it's a sense of acomplishment - I speak as a manual wheelchair user so can't compare completely! - but I think it also comes from being able over time to put oneself in better physical shape and that does up to a point lead to better mental health.

    As I say, enjoyment comes from accomplishment more than anything - so goalsetting is worth a try, it doesn't have to be to do with sport, but you need something to keep your brain occupied some of the time so that you're not permanently inside your own head.
  11. Obsessive

    Obsessive Well-Known Member

    I think there's more to pleasure than accomplishment or no one would beat depression; success always requires motivation, which you're not going to have if you see life itself as just a chore.

    Besides, it's not that I have the means to succeed at much of anything. Hell, couldn't even be half as good as I wanted to be at the games I've spent over half my life playing. And I can only be inside my own head constantly because that's the only way it works. I can't actually think about anything I do, I just automatically do it. My life is just going through the motions in an ongoing daydream that I wish would just stop.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.