Ever since birthday night I started seeing flashed of light.. or some black flashes.. and then I started hearing these inner screams.. Saying things like.. "They hate me" "Leave me alone" "I want to die" And sometimes the screams get louder then normal.. Sometimes they softer.. But its a little girl and I'm pretty sure she is me.. She has my voice.. She is scared and alone.. She feels unwanted and hated. So I let her talk some.. I made her a thread.. Anyway, I notice when she starts screaming more loud is when I start seeing the flashes.. or sometimes its opposite.. I see flashes before the screams get louder.. They aren't really screams I guess.. I'm not sure.. I kinda can remember hearing her voice before, when I first started therapy.. I've also noticed when she is talking or anything, I have trouble talking out loud. My speech becomes slurred.. When she talks more or I let her talk.. When she is done I can remember parts of what she was saying and the feelings, but as the time goes on I forget more of it.. I want to let her speak a lot more.. But I'm not sure if that is good. She is suicidal, yet I am not.. But when I let her speak she feels a little better and calms down. But she is very scared.. She is crying for help and feels trapped.. I hope therapy today will help.. I'm not sure what my therapist will say.. I've tried talking about similar things before.. I don't think she really understands.. And it seems these things come in cycles.. I'll be doing alright for a while.. I'll make progress.. Then all a sudden I start having problems with memory, dissociating, etc.. But it's in these cycles.. I really don't know why.. I think maybe It is that way because I make myself "toughen up" then when it gets to a breaking point, it all floods back again.. Not really sure.. Wish someone could help me understand what is going on.. I feel so lost sometimes.. but somehow when this girl part of me gets to speak I feel a bit better.. at least she can make me cry when she talks.. I can't seem to cry no matter what happens..