Internet relationships

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by music_addict, Oct 14, 2007.

  1. music_addict

    music_addict Well-Known Member

    Ok this has seriously been annoying me. What the fuck is up with people having these internet relationships. I mean cmon!
    I hear people talking about how they've been dating a some guy/girl for like 2 years or whatever and how theyre all in love and shit. and yet they've never even seen eachother, never even spoken to eachother. So pretty much these people are in love with an instant message screen, not a person. get a fuckin clue, that kind of thing will never work out.
    Now im not talking about people that meet on a dating site or something, chat for a bit and then meet. im talking about people who meet someone on a chat room and end up chatting with that person everyday until they delude themselves into thinking that they actually have a romantic relationship with this person.
    I dont even know why this annoys me so much (usually im a very accepting person) but this just grinds into me.
    But hey, maybe someone can shed some light for me into why people have these kind of relationships. and how someone can honestly say they're in love with someone that they only know through a chat screen.
  2. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Because, IMO-
    • there isn't the fear of being outright rejected face to face
    • we can share things much more honestly over the internet than in real life (this forum as being a prime example of that)
    • we have time to think about what we're going to say, how to phrase our emotions when we type, whereas when spoken, things can be taken wrongly

    That's to name but a few things..
  3. life~death

    life~death Well-Known Member

    Hey Its_all_too_much, people can fall in love over the internet. i met my girlfriend right here on SF and i do love her. what Abacus said was right, its easier to talk to people over the internet and if u get rejected its easier to deal with rather than it being face to face. i talk to her anything upto 12 hours a day sometimes but it isn't just IMs or in chat, we talk in calls a lot too. Im not deluded when i say i love her, i know i love her and ill be going to stay with her as soon as i can. it isn't like we dont really know each other because we do know a lot about each other but it might only be something you can truly understand if you're in an internet relationship or had one before. it really shouldn't bother you what other people do.
  4. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I must agree with Joe and Liam. All of those facts are correct. It is quite easier to talk to someone more freely on the Internet, you don't feel so bad about rejection, or anxiety wise, you have more time to think of how to express yourself, and especially when you meet on a support site where you are more likely to share events, feelings, situations, the past, problems and etc. Allot of people on here get very close, and being the fact of being understood and have support which turns allot to close friendship and sometimes it can turn into love, you can know and care for someone without having physical contact, you can share things, talk about yourself, problems, feelings anything in the world you can in person, and is it the body you fall in love with? no. Simply no, unless that's all you are after which would be shallow in my honest opinion. Your body is merely your shell, what the true you lives in and uses to do things in life and survival. As my boyfriend has already pointed out, we love each other and we talk anywhere from 4-12 hours daily, we've shared things with each other that no-one else in the world knows. We truly love each other though it doesn't matter too much to me either way what others say because I know deep down in my heart that I love Liam and he loves me, we are very compatible which I never even found in my in person relationships not even my marriage. He knows me and understands me and loves me more than anyone else in this world and I know him more than anyone else. Not only are we best friends we are together, and he's moving across the world to be with me and in the future we are getting married. I'm sorry you don't understand, and I'm sorry you are skeptical and whatever else you are. Hopefully this will shed light on whatever problem you are having understanding this. Take care.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 15, 2007
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I can understand forming relationships as far as friendships go over the internet, but until you have actually met that person i don't feel you can actually classify it as a true loving couple relationship. People that have know each other in RL and think thay are in love find that when they have to spend all their time together and share everything, the relationship isn't what they though it was. I don't think one can profess undying love with out truly getting to know a person. Only my opinion of course.
  6. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    100% agree. been there with the online relationships, done that, don't plan on doing it again. :) but to each their own
  7. missdiana86

    missdiana86 Active Member

    i met my bf online...spent like half a year just chatting in th e icq, then came phone calls, webcam chat before we met in real life. :blink: if we didn't met online we wouldn't have met each other at all - we'r from different continents, rather a frustrating fact isn't it?
    i also met my best friend in the internet and just lotsa sincere and ready-to-help people...
    i agree with thos who said people are more sincere here than in real life..:blink:
  8. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I think it's possible :)
    yes they are "different" but still, who knows what love is, there is no clear definition of it...over the net you can get to know the person inside before anything else. IRL you mostly go on looks and maybe would have never had the opportunity to meet the person....
    Maybe you're jealous? I dont mean to sound like a total stuck up bitch (call me that if you like) but usually so much hatred is due to it....Have you ever been in one of these relationships?
    Even if it's not love like you said, it's still having someone there who you care so dearly for, and you know them so well. :)
    you should give it a try sometime :)
  9. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    Its true like alot of ppl say they tell more than what ppl say face to face.
  10. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I met my girlfriend on here, I agree 100% with Joe's points about fear of being rejected face to face, guess thats what my main fear was when me and my girlfriend started getting closer.

    Obviously a relationship is completely different in real life. Different emotions, different situations to deal with.

    If someone wants to get into a online relationship then thats COMPLETELY their choice and i don't think its fair for someone to judge them because of it. How about thinking that some people find it easier to talk on the internet? far to many people have self confidence issues and its simply easier to bond with people over the internet. It's their business and i have absolutely no problem with it what so ever. In my opinion its giving them the self esteem they need which is obviously a fantastic thing.
  11. music_addict

    music_addict Well-Known Member

    thats exactly what i think. I myself have mutlitple internet buddies whom i consider good friends. But theres a big difference between that and having a romantic relationship with someone.

    Id also like to clarify something. I may have been a bit harsh in my first post. but its because one of my friends just had a break up with his online girlfriend and he was telling me how he could never love anyone else and how he'll never try to get another girl ever. and when i tried to comfort him he told me to fuck off and all kinds of other shit. i was just pissed off when i wrote that because i was confused about how he could have such strong emotions about it. I mean, he had never even talked to her on the phone.
    So im sorry if i offended anyone, i didnt mean to at all. and honestly i have no problem with people doing whatever makes them happy. I just let my emotions get the best of me. Im sure most of you know that feeling all too well.
  12. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I know some people find comfort is an internet-only relationship, but I don't think they are being realistic. Sure, you can meet someone over the web and connect, but you must meet that person in real life in order to really connect on a truly human level. I mean, by engaging in an internet-only relationship, aren't you avoiding the reality of love? Aren't you deliberately avoiding the possiblity of being hurt, of seeing that person face-to-face, of saying something silly or stupid? These are all things that let us truly get to know someone on a personal level. Being able to script your response to certain things IMO isn't a good thing. You know someone by looking into their eyes, by seeing their reactions to what you say or do, by watching them eat or laugh at a movie. These are the intangible things that cannot be discerned through internet chat. And it is only FEAR that prevents these people from loving and living to the fullest. The wonderful thing about love is that it is unpredictable and sometimes scary. There are highs and lows and everything in-between. It forces you to be vulnerable and real and open, face-to-face, with no barrier in-between. These are good things and a part of the experience of love. Without these things, I think you are holding back.
  13. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    But to really know about a person and to care which can grow to love. Also what if people meet over the internet and get together? You all know how many people meet on the net realize how compatible they are, get strong feelings and meet, move in together and marry? There's been millions. And just because you all have experienced this doesn't mean it can't happen. To seem so judgemental about this literally hurts my feeling, though doubt they do matter to anyone and doubt anyone thought about what I said in the post. :blub:

    Edit: I'm not just speaking of what you've said but others who've posted above.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 16, 2007
  14. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    aww :hug:
    I agree with you.
    It hurts to hear people say that it's all fake.

    Can anyone describe to be why you just fall for a person? out the millions of people I talk to on the net i found one, who we just click :)
    its amazing simply that. No other way round it.
    Don't knock it till you've tried it I say!
  15. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    :hug: Trust me Carolyn, I believe you can meet your soul-mate over the web. My Mom did and is ridiculously happy! She married him and he has been such a blessing to our entire family. But I have also met people who almost intentionally try to find someone across the universe who they will never get a chance to meet in person, which I think is very important. I never meant to hurt your feelings, or to say that these feelings aren't real. But I really do think that you (meaning people in general, not you specifically) should be willing and ready to meet that person IRL when it gets serious in order to further the relationship and not keep yourself at a distance, because that can be unhealthy. Relationships can be born over the internet, but I don't think they can fully bloom until you meet and interact in person.
  16. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    sometimes it's too hard to meet just yet :(:(:(
  17. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Yes, I think it just adds to it once you do have the RL contact and etc. I thought you were referring something different because of what others above had said about it being non-existent, delusional and etc. I'm actually excited about my new life that is starting next month.:hug:
  18. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

  19. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Sorry :) I didn't mean to judge you or any relationship you have on the horizon. I agree with you and I wish you all the best in you relationship! Don't let anyone convince you it is non-existent because that is simply not true. I am very happy for you and personally, if I were "on the market" right now, I would much prefer starting out online than in a bar or pub! As long as you are willing to take it to a more personal level once you get to know each other, then it can be a very great thing to start out this way. Good luck and God bless!
  20. music_addict

    music_addict Well-Known Member

    damn, now i feel like a fucking asshole. Seriously, im sorry for hurting anyones feelings. I was just mad at the time and i know thats no excuse.
    Ive had my feeling hurt so much over the years that the last i would ever want to do is to do it to others.

    I think im gonna stop coming here, all i do is fuck everything up.