Interstitial Cystitis and depression

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by david51, Mar 27, 2008.

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  1. david51

    david51 Member

    I have had severe depression and suicidal thoughts since I was 16, my best friend died at the age of 14 and he should have been with me that night instead of where he was, my grandma took her life while I was 17, at the age of 18 I swallowed <mod edit: bunny - methods> and fell asleep, I woke up in the hospital, my brother had found me, since then I FINALLY found out why my testicals and groin region hurt so badly since about puberty, I have interstital cystits which is a very crippling disease for men, its almost unbearable to have sex because of pain. I am very lonely because I cut myself off from everyone because im a different person every few days, docs at a clinic say its "bipolar". I feel the only visible reason in life is to procreate, and I am sure as hell not going to have a child knowing that I can pass this disease to him/her.....because I obtained it through my mother at birth. I want life to end and I am not scared to do it myself, I just start to cry when I think of my dead friend david, that maybe if I kill myself I wont get to see him again.....maybe after you have lived your life through you are rewarded by being with the people you love most. Im lost
     
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  2. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest



    I have IC for a long time. I found out this is due to food allergies

    Then the OD happened I feel now my IC came back.
     
  3. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. It is hard to live with pain, especially the chronic kind where it never completely goes away. It is no wonder you get in a bad mood. I hope you don't blame yourself for this. Have you found anything that at least takes the edge off of this painful condition? There is always hope in finding a cure. I just found this link; I'm sure you've done a lot of research but just in case you missed this one, here it is.

    http://www.ichelp.org/PatientInformation/AnIntroductiontoInterstitialCystitis/tabid/80/Default.aspx
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 1, 2008
  4. david51

    david51 Member

    Its not a common disease so meds are very unstable and when you mix them with the lamictal I take for bipolar, and the massive amounts of valium hydrocodone and tramadol I take it doesnt turn out to be a good time, I have had surgery on my penis AND testicles on SEPERATE occasions.....I sit and think often, since I was raised as a christian I still WANT to beileve in god and afterlife, only reason I cant jus end my life is fear of hell, but hell = life of pain, that is what I have now...I jus dont want to be there alone ya know? I feel like if god exist he would understand why Im ready to leave and let me be where I want to go...

    Im only 21 by the way
     
  5. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest



    David,

    Try the Elisa test. For many many years I have IC .IChelp.org has some very good info but as we both know there is no cure yet. I almost get a stimulator implanted on my back but I refused. I found out I have so many food allergies after I have this test. A food alleergy test helps me a lot. Soy is my # 1 allergens .All kinds o nuts.. you won't believed the products they are all in. e.g clothing & paints. Read the labels very well. Rice too. Our rice here in the US are from China & just found out they are now hybrids ,where they are bombarded with growth hormones & on top of that they put chlorine for preservatives & to make the rice beans bigger. Bread are bleached too. They bleached the rice & the flour ,not the flour & the rice per se it is the bleach.
     
  6. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    I feel your pain David. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I also have thought of suicide especially when my illness was at its worst. I'm not afraid of going to hell because I don't believe that it exists. What has kept me going is the hope that the illness would recede, even if not completely. Everything in life is temporary, even illness. This has helped me because, although not perfect, I feel a little better as time goes on. As the other poster said, getting some relief may also have to do with eating very well (organic foods), and most of all, removing as much stress as possible. I hope you don't give up because I believe we all have something to deal with in life; it's how we respond to our situation that is most important.
     
  7. ih8u

    ih8u Active Member

    how accurate do you find the test? at least 70pct-80pct? i'm interested in having one done.
     
  8. david51

    david51 Member



    That sounds like a good idea, its just a test to see what foods activate your IC? I actually did change my diet entirely, I used to drink soda like crazy and juices, now I just drink water and avoid fast food entirely and try to eat as healthy as I can, I cant work out due to pain after a few minutes of most exercises, I feel like all the meds I am on like valium an percocet are eating my insides up and also cause a mental craving even when I am without pain, I have found that marijuana is far better for reileving pain than any scripts a doc has given me, they actually have a special type of pot for IC patients in the states that allow medical weed, sadly I live in kansas and it is illegal, but I think I am starting what is called DSMO soon, which will suck badly, the depression comes and goes and since this disease is lifelong I just feel really shitty at the moment
     
  9. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    I hope you hang on, because you are here for a reason. Your strength gives strength to others. You are to be admired for sticking this out. I don't know if I could be as strong as you, my friend. You were chosen for a reason. This doesn't mean that if you have had enough, that you should feel guilty for saying goodbye to the world. But I know that you know that death is the last resort, and you need to ask yourself if you have exhausted all possible avenues before you would think of ending it all.
     
  10. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest

    I think I am starting what is called DSMO soon, which will suck badly, the depression comes and goes and since this disease is lifelong I just feel really shitty at the moment

    I can guarantee that for me it works wonders. When I have the test , my allergist was shocked. My urologist was adamant about the test " not becoz you are allergic to eggs it has to do with your IC". I convinced my PCP to send me for this test & for almost a year I don't have any symptoms at all, what a relief ! These foods are like poison to our body & of course since our bladder is the most vulnerable among others ,it takes most of the tolls.

    Most IC groups does not know this but I found this test through a very kind woman as what she said makes so much sense. I actually run to my Uro but PCP give me the go signal.

    DMSO is brutal,it did not work a bit but aggravates my situation. If you decides ,ask them to guide you to do it yourself. I catheterized on my own when I am on DMSO ,but no effects at all but more pain. Before you jumped all of these invasive procedures ,try the Elisa test,see what happened.

    I have a copy of the foods & products that contains soy,believed it or not ,it is ten pages long. Maybe it will come up on Google, try the Institute of Allergy & immunology ,that was the list came from. If you can't find it. I will look for it & post it here.

    Knowledge is more than fun but the most deeply satisfying values in life,in itself & for the command it gives over things.

    Looking for your recovery from IC. Tell me about all the painkillers.
     
  11. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest

  12. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Good for you for toughing it out for so long. And whatever you decide to do is your business. There's no shame, whatever decision you make. It's your body. And it's your soul. I do hope that there's a cure, or maybe you can alter you diet so it goes away. Peace to you.
     
  13. david51

    david51 Member


    Its pretty nice getting responses, this is the 1st time I have been here or any place like it, besides therapy with a doctor I dont know, but I have a urology appt tomorrow I will see about the food allergies, and as for painkillers that is another set of problems, I fear I will never be able to quit them. I wake up next to a bottle to get my day started, if I have to go out for an event I take more, at night I get lonely and take more, if I'm in pain sometimes I find myself out from taking them because of addiction, I take ambien to sleep and it causes me problems like sinus problems and headaches, then xanax makes me feel depressed the next day until I take another one, I feel so guilty that I let a bottle of pills that humans created rule my life like it does, and it really does. I am on disability from the disease so I get to sit around and play video games most of my days, World of warcraft is my choice, and I love it, if I had to choose to quit WoW or painkillers, I would keep the painkillers. Some people would say "go to group" "get off them" well I simply cant due to pain, and having them around is jus too tempting when you are constantly depressed and lonely they are like a pickup feel good pill....I appreciate all the replies and I will see what my doc says tomorrow and let you know :)
     
  14. david51

    david51 Member

    I guess I am going to a physical therapy clinic for pelvic floor rehab, I cant read this docs hand writing but its pelvic floor tnestion maylaysia, I imagine I will be getting pain blocker shots again....I already went through this but now they are giving it a different name. Wonderful.
     
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