Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by the_farewell_kid, Feb 11, 2009.

  1. the_farewell_kid

    the_farewell_kid Well-Known Member

    Today I went to see a nurse for a check-up and a venipuncture (blood draw). It was in the same hospital as where I see my psychiatrist. I was quite disappointed by people’s reaction to my appearance. I’m severely apathetic today. People were so intolerant and ignorant to my appearance. In the waiting room, they all looked as if they thought I wasn’t feeling good (as if I was in a bad mood). But no, they were all wrong. They were all fooled by their propensity to trust appearances: the foolishness of trusting outward appearance. I know from experience I'm extremely good at reading people's physiognomy. I know who likes me and who dislikes me. I was very annoyed by that that I was thinking of hitting the one who was going to show the biggest intolerance in their goddamn face, but fortunately, I didn’t lose control. At least, I had some consolation with my nurse. She seemed normal to me, normal in a way that she was tolerant to me. We talked for a while and that distracted me from the state I was in the waiting room. She seemed fairly nice and stoical. That’s what I expect from everyone. However, whenever a health care professional asks me if I’ve done drugs in the past and when I say no, they seem unconvinced by my answer as if I lied to them. I don’t understand. Just because someone looks severely apathetic doesn’t make them seen as a drug addict. It’s a symptom of my illness damn!

    When I was outside, drivers were driving like a coward; speeding up as the speed of a racing car from the moment they saw me as though they were running away from me because I scared them with my appearance. I just wish they get into a fucking car accident with the way they drive and die. I was so frustrated that I wanted to break their window.

    What the hell is their goddamn problem? Your demeanors are ineffective. I’ll to tell you what will provoke me because it is something you haven’t acquired yet seeing as you are too ignorant. You simply need to approach me (if you are able to) and push me, as simple as that. And this is where the fun begins. This is when I get the opportunity to hit you legally. And don’t be too content that the police will arrest me. Despite the fact that my schizophrenia has major vulnerabilities, I do also get an advantage; I can blame everything on my goddamn illness. It will work, trust me. In summer 2007, when I was attending an adult school, some fucking intolerant guy threw some very small pieces of paper at me. I was angry that I took out something and a girl saw it then she informed the teacher during the break. After the break, when the bell had rung and that the pupils were all ready for class as well as me who was sitting comfortably at the back; about 5 police officers came in my class with their guns and took me into a room. They questioned me and all what I needed to do was blaming everything on my illness. Ha! They believed me, the fools! They sent me to see a psychiatrist. The only drawback I got from all this was that I needed to pay a goddamn exorbitant transport fee by ambulance.

    Somehow, I felt it needed to write all this down. That is just how I’m programmed as a flawed human. Nice and tolerant people don’t need to be offended by all this.
  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I get that too, if I'm 'apathetic' or 'high' or just talkative. And I'm thin. And I look messy sometimes. I'm either on crack or heroin or acid :dunno:

    I understand what you're saying.
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Did the police find anything? Can't believe they did that to you..