Hello, I'm a 22 year old female from the Midwest. 13 days ago I tried to take my life, 11 days ago I woke up in a hospital bed. For whatever reason my boyfriend had decided to check on me in the middle of his shift and he had come home, found me and called the ambulance. I was tired of disappointments, emotions, pressure for the future, making decisions that hurt others, feeling alone and the fickle people in my life. While suicide had always been on my mind for maybe the last 10 years, I never considered myself suicidal. I just woke up and knew it was time and that it should be my last day. Ever since I woke up I've felt numb. No one understands what I'm feeling. Everyone keeps saying things like "thank god he came home and found you", but what they don't understand is that I didn't want to be found. I feel like it was my choice and that choice was taken away. I know I can never try something like that again. It was supposed to be final, there wasn't supposed to be a "next time". I used to plan my future and it looks bright, from the outside. I have a lot of things to look forward to...but I don't. I try to imagine things getting better in the future, but I'm dreading waking up tomorrow. So...now what? I feel like I'm around to make other people happy. I do things that will make them stop worrying, I say I'm fine when I'm not. I feel like a robot...just making it through the motions of life. I feel like I exist, but am not living? If that makes sense... I joined this site hoping I can find someone who can relate. I'm sick of people saying " just be happy" and " don't think of sad stuff". If it was that easy don't they think I'd do it? Yes, I started seeing a therapist and started taking anti-depressants also, I hope something will start working soon. But until then...what do I do now?