Intro- what's the next step?

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Abi, Aug 31, 2013.

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  1. Abi

    Abi Member


    I'm a 22 year old female from the Midwest. 13 days ago I tried to take my life, 11 days ago I woke up in a hospital bed. For whatever reason my boyfriend had decided to check on me in the middle of his shift and he had come home, found me and called the ambulance.

    I was tired of disappointments, emotions, pressure for the future, making decisions that hurt others, feeling alone and the fickle people in my life. While suicide had always been on my mind for maybe the last 10 years, I never considered myself suicidal. I just woke up and knew it was time and that it should be my last day.

    Ever since I woke up I've felt numb. No one understands what I'm feeling. Everyone keeps saying things like "thank god he came home and found you", but what they don't understand is that I didn't want to be found. I feel like it was my choice and that choice was taken away. I know I can never try something like that again. It was supposed to be final, there wasn't supposed to be a "next time".

    I used to plan my future and it looks bright, from the outside. I have a lot of things to look forward to...but I don't. I try to imagine things getting better in the future, but I'm dreading waking up tomorrow. what? I feel like I'm around to make other people happy. I do things that will make them stop worrying, I say I'm fine when I'm not. I feel like a robot...just making it through the motions of life. I feel like I exist, but am not living? If that makes sense...

    I joined this site hoping I can find someone who can relate. I'm sick of people saying " just be happy" and " don't think of sad stuff". If it was that easy don't they think I'd do it? Yes, I started seeing a therapist and started taking anti-depressants also, I hope something will start working soon. But until then...what do I do now?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You did good hun to come here and talk so you don't feel so alone in those feelings. wow what you do is just take each minute and get through it the best way you can Keeping busy helps me i just keep so busy my mind does not go there I am sorry you are feeling so low hun really it is hard but if you stay here meet new people then you won't be fighting the battle alone hugs
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