Hello there. Honestly I'm not even sure why I'm here. I was doing a search for websites that would help me figure out minimum lethal doses of common drugs and I found this somehow. Even though I realized quite quickly that it was a pro life site I still decided to look around a bit because it was obvious that a lot of you feel the same way I do and these feelings are not something I can open up to anyone in my real life about. I'm 37 years old and married with 3 boys. I have a good husband and I love my kids. I guess that's what has helped me hold on as long as I have. However I am bipolar and nothing I have taken so far has helped to any extent. I guess I'm kinda strange in that I don't so much want to die as I just wish I had never been born in the first place. The fact that I'm agnostic and unsure of exactly what the afterlife holds is one thing that has kept me alive. I have tried to kill myself once and it was such a horrible experience that I swore to myself that I would do my homework and make sure I knew what I was doing if I ever got the nerve to try again. I have been fighting these feelings for close to 10 years now and tried many different types of medications. And to be completely honest with you I'm just growing quite tired of the fight. Anyways that's me in a nutshell.