Hi all, my name is Amber (Dis is my online handle). I am 25 and Australian. For the first time ever I have thought to go online and see if anyone feels how I do in this world or if I'm more than just a little odd in my beliefs 
I have been struggling with depressive feelings since primary school which has escalated at times to suicidal thoughts and plans throughout my life. Recently I have completed my Bachelor of Nursing and am now doing a grad program (basically a year of apprenticeship) specialising in mental health. After 6 months I am now struggling to keep afloat with all the assignments and more importantly dealing with the mental health system which (at least in Queensland), treats people's rights like that of a dog - and the nurses who support it.
On another fence, over the years I have been trying to define what might be 'on the other side' as I am a very goal-orientated person. I don't believe there is Heaven/Hell nor any sense of an 'end'. The only way I could explain would be that I see this world as a 'alpha/beta' version and that after this one has been bug-tested and run it's course to the ground, we'll move onto something better.
(For all those non-technical people out there, the best comparison is C.S Lewis's 'Final Battle' book ending - sorry if I ruined it for you).
Now to bore you just a little more, this is the first time I've ever spoke out about my feelings/beliefs and I will be taking recreation leave to visit Tasmania in a few weeks with the original intent to look at getting work there and maybe building a house. Over the months, my plans have now changed and have seriously considered spending the time there looking for the most challenging cliff I can find and taking the leap into the 'real' version of what we are. This is partly because my depression has reached the point where I'm sick of my feelings/thoughts being with me for the rest of my life and because I have always believed this world was only ever a temporary sandbox before the real thing (therefore nothing here is permanent anyway)
What I am looking for here to see if anyone has similar feelings/beliefs and what have they done with it. And if not, its cool; I'd just be the odd one out or a nutter butter who has an unusual belief system.
Anyway if you've read this far thank you for listening to my story and umm HI! :mhmm:
I have been struggling with depressive feelings since primary school which has escalated at times to suicidal thoughts and plans throughout my life. Recently I have completed my Bachelor of Nursing and am now doing a grad program (basically a year of apprenticeship) specialising in mental health. After 6 months I am now struggling to keep afloat with all the assignments and more importantly dealing with the mental health system which (at least in Queensland), treats people's rights like that of a dog - and the nurses who support it.
On another fence, over the years I have been trying to define what might be 'on the other side' as I am a very goal-orientated person. I don't believe there is Heaven/Hell nor any sense of an 'end'. The only way I could explain would be that I see this world as a 'alpha/beta' version and that after this one has been bug-tested and run it's course to the ground, we'll move onto something better.
(For all those non-technical people out there, the best comparison is C.S Lewis's 'Final Battle' book ending - sorry if I ruined it for you).
Now to bore you just a little more, this is the first time I've ever spoke out about my feelings/beliefs and I will be taking recreation leave to visit Tasmania in a few weeks with the original intent to look at getting work there and maybe building a house. Over the months, my plans have now changed and have seriously considered spending the time there looking for the most challenging cliff I can find and taking the leap into the 'real' version of what we are. This is partly because my depression has reached the point where I'm sick of my feelings/thoughts being with me for the rest of my life and because I have always believed this world was only ever a temporary sandbox before the real thing (therefore nothing here is permanent anyway)
What I am looking for here to see if anyone has similar feelings/beliefs and what have they done with it. And if not, its cool; I'd just be the odd one out or a nutter butter who has an unusual belief system.
Anyway if you've read this far thank you for listening to my story and umm HI! :mhmm: