Hello, I am 'Krem'. I originally posted in this forum with an idea to help people, but since then I have found some relief in posting here. Since I am likely to come back, I felt it proper to introduce myself. I am copy-pasting the rest from another thread I posted in, which for some reason I am unable to edit further. I have a few people I interact with at all, and they are hardly friendly. One is a drug-addicted slut, one is a cruel, uncaring "troll", two are manic and mad, and the last one is a shrewd, manipulative girl who is incapable of leaving my thoughts. I am incapable of studying, for I have never needed to, yet my grades are getting worse. I have a supportive family, somewhat, but who refuse to admit I have a problem. Since I was a child I have been hounded, mocked and avoided-- I was stoned over 5 times from 1st to 3rd grade, and none of my so-called peers did anything to help me (Age 5ish-7ish). My tastes and interests are bizarre to those around me, often to the extend of offending their tastes. I have been with doctors from before I can remember, and yet they revealed nothing to me. If I have been diagnosed with anything, my parents would know, but refuse to tell me. My social maturity is, to say the least, lacking, and thus I am unaware of whatever social crimes I comitt, until I am mocked and/or punished for them. Even then, I am unaware of what I have done wrong. I am also a coward, the thought of physical pain is enough to invoke dread. Loud noises, unexpected noises, fast movement, it is all enough to make me, as they say, 'jump'. I have been in fights, but I have not fought back, for fear of 'angering' them. I hardly taste anymore, and my fat, grotesque body is cold and numb all the time. My skin is dry, and bleeds easily- My scalp, forehead and eyebrows are falling away in flakes. My eyesight is getting worse, my balance is getting worse, my hands shake, my hand-to-eye coordination is getting worse, and, worst of all, my thinking is getting worse. I am forgetting more and more, from events to words, I often fail to solve problems, to see what should be obvious. I am cought in my own lies, even if they serve no purpose. Often I have lied before I realise it, with mundane things to fancy, unimportant tails. I am scared of growing up, because I know I will not function. Bodily hair disgusts me, the slightest hint of age horrifies me. I wish to stay a child, to live without knowing, without responsibilities, free of thought and social standards, to simply play all day, to be taken care of, every need sated, with thought limited to what I shall do with my playmates this day. I preach virtues I can not follow, I tell people not to do things, or openly judge them for doings things which I know I would do. I tell people I am not interested in sex, that I find real people not sexually attractive, which is only half-truth. I do not find most people sexually attractive, but I have seen some older teens which are, physically, sexually attractive. But the problem is that I have a deep lack of trust towards other. I do enjoy what rare hugs I can get, but when people touch me in areas I am not used to being touched, for an example my face, lower back, arse, thighs, it is uncomfortable. This, added with the fact that I am somewhat ashamed of my body, makes me too feel uncomfortable for coitus, if I ever would have the oppurtunity, and yet I am a heavy user of pornography, mostly text and drawn images. In addition, I am often unable to see people as people, I forget they have emotions of their own. Outside, when I see someone getting hurt, even badly, I feel nothing. All I saw was a piece of meat. Should someone I know get hurt, all I would see is how it affects me. This is not true for fictional characters, however, for I see them as more real than actual people. I am, aswell, highly paranoid. If I hear someone laughing, I assume it is because of me. When I am outside, I look around me all the time, in fear of an assailant. If someone compliment me, I never believe them, I always believe they are mocking me. If someone were to invite me for something, I would believe it was to trick me into doing whatever vile, sick things they do. I often believe all of you, every single one, is together in some network of jests, against me, using me as your puppet-toy, pulling my strings and laughing at the resault you get. I am also, as they say, "afraid of the dark". My imagination runs wild, often, and any unexpected sound can send waves of terror through me. As well, for an example, I have tried to play the game 'Dead Space', but I could not, for I was too frightened. Well, that was it, for now. I am sure there is more, but I can not remember it at this moment. This self-pity is pathetic, I know, but I still enjoy it somewhat. Maybe this is my way of attention-seeking, who knows.