Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Avva, Dec 27, 2011.

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  1. Avva

    Avva Member

    Good evening to all and thanks for reading my introduction.

    I've never been very active on forums and will probably become a lurker like I am/was on any other forums.
    However, I felt the need to join something like this in case I ever finally hit rock bottom and am in desperate need of a conversation (this goes both ways; even though I don't know any of you, if anyone else feels like talking to someone outside their social circle, I will gladly listen and offer my help in any way I can). I feel like I'm going there faster than ever.
    I've always had a "dark side", but lately it has resulted more and more into something deeper, and I'm afraid that this is something I will never get completely rid off.
    I always figured my depressed feelings had to do with growing up and going through puberty and that it would fade as I grew older, but it never has. In fact, it's only gotten worse ever since.

    Last couple of years I've been thinking about suicide. Not really contemplating it, but just thinking about it. How I would do it, when I would do it, what effect it would have on others and so on. I've also come to the realisation that I actually want to die. Rather by natural causes than suicide though, I don't think I would ever grow the balls to end my life myself. But the fact that I would gladly welcome a terminal disease or a fatal accident scares me more than dying itself. Thus why I joined these forums in hopes to find other peoples stories and maybe find comfort in it and try to slap myself back into reality that life isn't all that bad.
  2. BruceWayneWannabe

    BruceWayneWannabe Active Member

    Hi Avva. I'm sorry you're going through this. I could have written most of this myself, especially the part about wanting some kind of terminal disease. If you ever need to talk, I'll be around.
  3. magentapink13

    magentapink13 Member

    Hi Avva. I just joined last night as I found myself in a dark place I haven't been to in a long time. I knew I better find someone to talk to when I typed in "how to kill yourself and make it look like an accident". I've lost my brother and my dad to suicide so I know how the ones left behind feel. I also deal with anxiety and depression and just feeling like I don't fit in with the 'average' person. Although, the longer I am alive (I'm 38) the more I realize more than 50% of the people I come in contact with are or have been in a serious depressed state some point in their life. You are not alone. I would like to be a friend to you if you need someone to talk to, ok? ~ Sarah
  4. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum.

    And feel free to lurk away for as long as you like. As I recall, I came here, signed up, posted once or twice, then proceeded to lurk for several months before posting again. ha.
  5. red ribbons

    red ribbons Well-Known Member

    INTRO-I have a terminal illness but it's in remission. I should feel gratitude and joy but I am too numb to feel anything. My husband had a terminal illness and chose to end his life. That is one reason I am here. He left me destitute on top of that after I had worked at 2 jobs for a very long time. I had to pay off his financial stuff, the bank has upped my mortgage to where I have no money for food, and bills take the rest of it. I have nowhere to turn. I've tried everything in this economy to pull myself through and nothing is working.
  6. Avva

    Avva Member

    Thank you all for the kind words and the welcome.

    Sarah, I'm so sorry to hear what you have gone through. Feel free to add me if you want to talk, though I can't imagine how you must feel.

    Bruce, same counts for you. Even tough I'm a lurker, I will respond to PM's :p
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