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Intrusive Thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Stina, Apr 23, 2013.

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  1. Stina

    Stina New Member


    I had been depressed for a very long time and was very very poorly. I'm currently around 85-98% well on high dose venlafaxine. Trouble is, I'm still getting very intrusive suicidal ideation thoughts. I have zero intention to act on them, I'm at no physical risk whatsoever. Thankfully, even at my most unwell I maintained insight and initiated getting help.

    I was functionally ill for a long while and had fairly continuously intrusive thoughts for a long while about what would happen if I didn't turn my car at a right angle curve and slammed into the wall. These got even more intensive when I was incredibly unwell, and I stopped driving and even cycling. I started on treatment after many different drugs and therapy attempts I was probably 90% well. Which, compared to how I was when ill, was pretty amazing! As a result I "stood up" my psychiatrist for follow up, cancelling appointments rather than DNA. However, I'm still getting these intrusive thoughts, multiple times a day. They were focused on my <edit mod total eclipse methods> They're fairly easy to ignore as intrusive, unwell thoughts but they're still frustrating. I have zero intention of acting on them, they're almost academic. I've always been a worrier and a ruminator. However, they almost make me expect to get ill again and made me realised that perhaps ~90% well isn't enough.

    Does anyone else get these thoughts? I'd like to get rid of them but tried CBT 3 different times with 3 different practitioners and I really, really didn't get on with it. I'm not keen on interfering with my medication at this time as I have exams coming up but suspect it may be necessary. However, I expect to have to eat humble pie at some point in the future and see the psychiatrist again (slightly embarrassing as I effectively self discharged from his clinic...) as I suspect I may be out of my (amazingly helpful) GP's depth.

    Thanks for any and all advice! I have an appointment to see my GP on Friday, I'm slightly embarrassed as even though I have a fantastic relationship with her I've always said I'm fine when she's asked. As I said, I've always maintained insight and I guess previously being almost well was enough. Slightly ashamed to know go back and say actually it may not be...
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2013
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No need to be ashamed hun your doctor will understand ok You tell your gp just what is going on so you can now get the help you need to get rid of those thoughts. Almost like obsessive compulsive those thoughts can be. Tell your gp and make another appt with your psychiatrist ok I can tell you they do understand lots pt will discharge themselves or go off meds thinking they are strong enough on their own only to find out they need help again. Hope you make appt soon Never be ashamed ok to reach back out for help
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    while I can understand people feeling shame about various things, practitioners do not think like that. They look objectivly. I was veryyyyyyyy ashamed about seeing my practioner for mental health ( or illness) issues. OMG so ashamed. But to her its just another illness. So you were in avoidance. And now you do not want to be. If you look at it objectivly, is there really any reason to be less than objective about that? Personally I do not think so :hug: You are just deciding that you cannot be in avoidance anymore with this. Its okay. They will understand. You can even use the word I used when talking to them if you think it would help you to be more comfortable explaining. :) Good luck with those exams !! You sound like a really nice person. Glad you are here. Its a good community.
  4. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    I agree with Total Eclipse and Flowers re seeing GP and psychiatrist. CBT is flavour of the month at present partly because it's short term and therefore far less expensive. As you have tried it three times it seems very reasonable to ask for other ways of dealing with intrusive thoughts.
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