Invalidation from parents?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by feathers, Jul 29, 2011.

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  1. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    I believe I've figured out an unconscious link for why I get so upset when doctors dont' take my seriously about my symptoms (mental health or otherwise). It possibly stems from my mam never taking me seriously when I was a kid. Whenever I was ill she would accuse me of faking. I had 100% attendance for most of my school life because she would never let me stay off when I was ill. Whenever I'd cry I'd get mocked and accused of 'crocodile tears' or 'turning on the waterworks' to get my own way (this continued until I was kicked out when I was 17).

    I told her I was depessed when I was 15 and she yelled at me and told me not to be stupid, teenagers have nothing to be depressed about. Also when I was having anger issues she didn't take me seriously and didn't take me to the doctors for a whole year to see about it, saying that she 'works with kids with real anger problems' and that I didn't have them, even though my actual problems were distressing me a lot. (My psychologist pulled her up for that and called her an unsupportive parent).

    There was also when I wanted a sex change (if you go back to my first ever posts on SF!) (I blame Aaron for this haha) where she told me there was no way I could have a gender identity disorder (which made the dysphoria worse), laughed at me for self harming and kicked me out.

    So yes, I believe her invalidation is the cause of my desperation for validation now. Which may be to blame for why diagosis is a necessity for me, and also to why I can get suicidal when doctors dismiss my symptoms as nothing.

    I wonder if I am correct?
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Well if you're not I'd be most surprised.
    Not wanting to diss anyones' parent, but sheesh your mother is a nightmare and no wonder you have validation problems.
    Tell your shrink what you've told us here. :hug:
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Kazine, good luck with getting the diagnoses you seek. Also, do you think there's any way you can get some sort of closure regarding your mom and you's relationship (past and present)?

    P.S. What Terry said above is so beautifully worded and concise that it should be illegal. :thumbup: Terry
  4. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Hahaha yeah my mother is a nightmare. My dad thinks she's mental. I know fine well she's mental. Thanks for support :hug:

    Not a CHANCE of closure. After she kicked me out I did not make an effort to contact her for over a year (couldn't forgive her for laughing at me for self harming and telling me I wasn't welcome under her roof whilst I was so fucked up and needed mental help). Then it got to Christmas time and I thought I may as well visit - hey, it's Christmas, she's clearly got mental health problems, and if I fucked up on a scale that big I'd want forgiveness too. So off I went, took my new boyfriend along to meet her on boxing day and everything was brilliant!

    Slow start, think maybe things might be okay! But then she gets all obsessive and keeps asking me and the boyfriend to go over for lunch, go on holidays with them etc and I'm like woah. Then she kicked off completely, texted my dad (who I'm living with) telling him that I'd been posting all sorts of stuff on Facebook and that someone on my friends list had been telling her this stuff that I'd been posting about wanting to die and hating my life (which I hadn't been posting).

    I can only assume she did it delibeately to put trouble between me and my dad since we're having no bother living together and she probably thinks all the problems when we lived together were my fault (clearly not if me and my dad are okay) and she can't deal with it so she has to stir up drama for us to feel better about herself or something. She's messed up. There's no way of getting closure because if you even attempt to speak to her she stirs up so much shit and it just is not worth it!!! Yes, she is batshit, she still denies kicking me out (maybe she has undiagnosed DID haha and just genuinely can't remember screaming that I had 24 hours to find somewhere else to live!)

    Thanks to both of you for replying :)
  5. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Dang, what a nightmare of a mother, and that's an understatement. :sad:

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