I'm just feeling so wound up, I have to get it out silently so I'm doing it here. Apologies for inflicting another rant on you poor things :rolleyes:.
Supposed to be going to the cinema with people tonight. I'm at my boyfriend's house right now. His parents got a huge car with 7 seats when I became a sort of permanent feature so that they could take me to Italy with the family. We are one seat short to get everyone home from the cinema tonight.
The only people who were prepared to volunteer to get the bus home were the two other girls going. One of them suffers from depression and anxiety. We are seeing a horror movie. It will finish just after pub closing time. All the guys immediately just think "okay, problem solved, they will get the bus together and we can all go home in the car". Fuck that!! That's not on. I'm not cool with them going home on the bus alone. And I'm not cool with hanging out with a bunch of guys ( my boyfriend included) who think that's okay. I'd go on the bus with them but that'd only make things worse. Even if I don't have a panic attack or something (I most likely would) I'm "the one with the boobs", so I don't think my presence on that late bus will improve the situation in terms of leery drunks. :dry:
One of the guys can drive. If he drove down and drove back then everyone could have a lift home. But he doesn't want to because he wants to drink before the cinema. Why? I put that question to my boyfriend and he said "you've been drinking since this morning". Nice comment. Really nice. Yes I have, I am an alcoholic. I am aware of that fact :cry:. But if I could drive and had a car then I would not drink so that everyone could get home safe.
I hate this.
I said I wasn't going, then everyone could get home, so now my boyfriend is really pissed off with me. He says I'm being awkward and I always have to "go and ruin things like this".
I am sat on his (/our??) bed, typing this on the laptop. Crying completely silently. My boyfriend and his mate who can drive are standing at the foot of the bed, facing away from me, playing Guitar Hero on the huge LCD screen TV. It's a good game, I know, but it means I had to turn my music off and use my headphones instead. It was not thoughtful. But then he's pissed off with me isn't he, so... I wish our other friend was here. I'd just go outside with him and share a jazz, chat about music and stuff, feel better. But he's meeting us a lot later.
As I was typing that paragraph both my boyfriend's brothers came in. I have no privacy, none at all. I'm going mad. It's too hot to have this many people in one room. My boyfriend's on his second can, the friend is on his third. My boyfriend's a total lightweight (I'm not saying that 'cause I'm an utter heavyweight - though I am - I'm saying that 'cause it's true. Even by normal standards.) so he's gonna be acting like even more of a loudmouthed idiot before long. Doesn't he care about me? Doesn't anyone care about the two girls? Would they care if I was one of them? What am I going to do?
I knew it all had to go wrong. :sad:
Supposed to be going to the cinema with people tonight. I'm at my boyfriend's house right now. His parents got a huge car with 7 seats when I became a sort of permanent feature so that they could take me to Italy with the family. We are one seat short to get everyone home from the cinema tonight.
The only people who were prepared to volunteer to get the bus home were the two other girls going. One of them suffers from depression and anxiety. We are seeing a horror movie. It will finish just after pub closing time. All the guys immediately just think "okay, problem solved, they will get the bus together and we can all go home in the car". Fuck that!! That's not on. I'm not cool with them going home on the bus alone. And I'm not cool with hanging out with a bunch of guys ( my boyfriend included) who think that's okay. I'd go on the bus with them but that'd only make things worse. Even if I don't have a panic attack or something (I most likely would) I'm "the one with the boobs", so I don't think my presence on that late bus will improve the situation in terms of leery drunks. :dry:
One of the guys can drive. If he drove down and drove back then everyone could have a lift home. But he doesn't want to because he wants to drink before the cinema. Why? I put that question to my boyfriend and he said "you've been drinking since this morning". Nice comment. Really nice. Yes I have, I am an alcoholic. I am aware of that fact :cry:. But if I could drive and had a car then I would not drink so that everyone could get home safe.
I hate this.
I said I wasn't going, then everyone could get home, so now my boyfriend is really pissed off with me. He says I'm being awkward and I always have to "go and ruin things like this".
I am sat on his (/our??) bed, typing this on the laptop. Crying completely silently. My boyfriend and his mate who can drive are standing at the foot of the bed, facing away from me, playing Guitar Hero on the huge LCD screen TV. It's a good game, I know, but it means I had to turn my music off and use my headphones instead. It was not thoughtful. But then he's pissed off with me isn't he, so... I wish our other friend was here. I'd just go outside with him and share a jazz, chat about music and stuff, feel better. But he's meeting us a lot later.
As I was typing that paragraph both my boyfriend's brothers came in. I have no privacy, none at all. I'm going mad. It's too hot to have this many people in one room. My boyfriend's on his second can, the friend is on his third. My boyfriend's a total lightweight (I'm not saying that 'cause I'm an utter heavyweight - though I am - I'm saying that 'cause it's true. Even by normal standards.) so he's gonna be acting like even more of a loudmouthed idiot before long. Doesn't he care about me? Doesn't anyone care about the two girls? Would they care if I was one of them? What am I going to do?
I knew it all had to go wrong. :sad: