Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Tara, May 21, 2007.

  1. Tara

    Tara Guest

    im soooo mad! i just argh i just i dont know i want to fkn shout and scream and throw things.

    SHE just came home from shopping, expects me to put everything away while she goes back out.

    I mention that i have an interview tomorrow morning and need to go to the doctors afterwards. then she starts shouting "WHAT FOR"...to get tablets stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i said i need tablets because ive not taken any for weeks and its making me snappy, etc. then she says "its not cause u aint got tablets its cause u never get dressed or go anywhere"

    HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO GO SOMEWHERE WHEN I DONT HAVE ANY FRIENDS?! theyve all left me. all gone their own way while im stuck here alone. i cant exactly go out on my own stupid bitch.

    then she says i should get dressed everyday because you put more weight on if you wear pajamas. yes what ever. if i want to get dressed i'll get dressed okay? if i want to spend all GOD DAMN DAY in my jamas then i will OKAY.

    apparantly im fat because i wear pjs. they stretch with you see, so u dont see that your putting on any weight.

    WTF. if your gonna put on weight it doesnt matter what the hell you wear. its what u eat and how much exercise u do!!

    ive had enough. i hate this stupid family.
  2. Tara

    Tara Guest

    you know what. i just feel like. i just feel that i should go out and fkn throw myself under a bus or something you know.

    i feel pathetic and stupid. WHY AM I FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF? why do i feel the need to think ive got such a bad life when theres people like you lot whove been throw things i couldnt even imagine.

    what do i have to complain about? i have a roof over my head! ive got clothes, im not dying of starvation. i have clean water on tap.

    What makes me think that i deserve to scream and yell about how crap my life is when its 100 times better than some peoples.
  3. Tara

    Tara Guest

    im shaking, im crying. i have a pair of scissors in my dressing gown pocket (nail ones...they'e there for comfort, ive never made myself bleed) but right now i feel like digging them into myself,.
  4. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

  5. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Aww Tara.... :hug:

    I don't know what to say right now, my head is full of Zimbardo and Milgram and Hofling :blink:. Just know that I care.

    Sorry I can't be more help right now.

    :hug: x

    PS. You haven't replied to that other thread either :tongue:. x
  6. Tara

    Tara Guest

    thanks. jsut getting it out helps.
    and dont worry just knowing someones listening to me and understands me is enough.

    I have....just edited it, cause i was back like 5 mins after. the last bit of lost lasted like 3 mins, its like whats the point !
  7. Tara

    Tara Guest

    sorry but im gonna keep ranting lol.

    im pissed off now. That bitch that i used to call "friend" is oooooo i cant even get into words mun. im a fkn gimp now am i? full of myself? up my own ass? yes im sure i fkn am!
    sorry i didnt like the freaks u met off the internet and decided to call friends, but that doesnt make me stuck up.

    AND i just tried to tell Nan what mum said earlier (cause she called in before work) and she just nudges it off and says "just tell her you need to go" and its like YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! i want someone to listen to me. not brush off what she says making it feel that she has a right to shout at me for feeling this way.

    Im sick of everything. I just, i dont know.
    it would be much better for everyone if i wasnt here. there'd be no1 "lazing" round the house all day. no FAT person here that must annoy you ever so much. the only thing i'l be missed for is watching the kids for her to go and do what ever she feels like.

    You'll see when im gone, how much of a "burden" i really was. You'll see that i did everything, i tried to do everything i could to make your life good. im sorry you didnt have a childhood im sorry i was born when you were 18. im sorry you had 5 of us, so only now u can live!
    I spend nearly all my pay on those kids. and you. and i dont feel like i get nothing in return.
    Id rather stay in and watch YOUR kids every damn week than have you moping around the place because you have no life.

    well thanks mam, cause now i have no life.

    You say i babysit cause im not going anywhere anyway. but how did it all start mam? Cause u had a job and i had no choice but to babysit cause theres no1 else. My friends asked me everyday to go out but i couldnt cause i was watching YOUR kids. then they just got sick of asking me, and i was never offered anywhere anymore.
    So its really down to you. but do i blame you? no i dont!!!!!!

    im 19yrs old, and ever since i was 12/13 ive felt like a grownup. ive felt ive grown up way too quick. i miss my childhood.
    i miss everything about being young. not caring about anything but myself and where im going to go out to play.

    Its not fair. Just because you have bad taste in men and was a vulnerable stupid teenager for getting pregnant not once but twice before your 20 and then 3 times more before you were 26.
    But they were your decisions. i didnt ask to be born.

    The ladies in work always compliment on how lucky you are to have a daughter like me, how come you never see that? or only say something once your drunk. You never tell me you love me anymore, you never give me a hug, and right now all i want is a hug and to be loved and someone to tell me everythings going to be alright.

    But no, im stuck home, alone. you're down gillians. Boys are out. Jess aint home from school yet. So im all alone. as usual. you're hardly ever home, its not fair.

    i hate being alone. i cant stand being allowed to think. i need distractions, but theres no1 here to distract me from them

    and i know when u get home, you'll see my red face and shout at me for "crying for no reason".
    i cant win.
  8. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Ohhh hon'....

    So much of that rant rings true for me too :sad:. I am here if you want to talk. Keep ranting if it helps. :arms:

  9. Tara

    Tara Guest

    thank you :hug:
    tbh id rather just yell and shout rather than talk. sorry if i offend u by saying that, i dont mean to, just id rather shout my head off and release all the tension rather than talk and get into things that will make me feel worse like 5 mins later.

    again, thanks:biggrin:
  10. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Hell no, that doesn't offend me at all. I know exactly what you mean, I get like that too :hug:.
  11. Sakura

    Sakura Well-Known Member

    *Just giving you a hug to let you know that you're cared for* :hug:

  12. Tara

    Tara Guest

    aww thank you so much! :)