Iraq *possible triggers*

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Asylum Project, Jan 31, 2010.

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  1. Asylum Project

    Asylum Project Well-Known Member

    I have pictures of Iraq with some of my friends in them. Some of them did not make it back. Some of them I seen die.. I have images in my head of the insurgents IED's blowing my friends skin and bones apart. I have images of fellow soldiers walking to chowhall & a second later thoes fellow soldiers body parts are all around & on me. You see one alive from the waste up & all you can do is hold his hand. But hey that's war right? Having orders to shoot a father,mother and son, with there hands up. But hey that's war right? Doing route clearence getting hit by a IED, and fragments of your friends skull going into your mouth,clothes, yet still driving a hour back to the fob. Cleaning bodies of whole villages that was cleared out by a bomb. you see limbs of adults and children, and you see survivors covered in blood. You think am I going to be next? But pretty soon your tour is almost up. You think everyone would be alot happier, but the tents and chowhall are alot quieter theses past few days. Then you fly back home, but you flying with quite a bit fewer people. The ride is quite. Then you back at home and you say goodbye to the Army. You go back to your mom or dads place. You really don't have friends anymore. The friends you did have back at home moved on with there lives. Yet you have to continue life. You drive around town to see what has changed over these past few years, But the scenery and roads start to change, you think at any minute you might hit a IED, but you snap back to reality. your sweating, breathing heavy, you start to feel more and more paranoid. You figure theres no point in making friends anymore, they either leave you or die. You start to hear voices of your dead friends, sometimes it's conversations you have had, other times it's there screaming. you hear people speaking Arabic, you cover your ears but the voices are still there. You get more and more depressed. you start to cut yourself, sometimes it's not even when your depressed when you do it. But you cut and see something familiar, it's called blood. one cut wont suffice you go deeper&deeper&deeper. But the cuts heal, the pain is always there. You lay in bed, but everything starts to shift and change, you hear gunshots,explosions you see your friends dying again. you feel so overwhelmed, it feels like your heart is going to explode, and as quick as it began your back in your room. Now all you have in this world is a fucked up life, your mad at the world, your mad at yourself. But this is life, and I'm going through war.
  2. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    Re: Iraq

    hi, have u ever though of getting any professional help?? to talk through some of your feelings with a professional, some ex soldiers have become counsellors etc, to help people who have been in the same positions as them, there is help out there, people want to help, and it sounds like you may need some right now, as your dealing with alot of flashbacks etc by urself, a problem shared is a problem halved. you should really think about getting some proffesional help :hug:
  3. isd

    isd Well-Known Member

    jesus christ, that is a fucked up experience. and your feeling, responses and emotions seem completely understanable given the fucked up situation you have had to deal with whilst being at war. i have never had any experienes even remotely like that which you have described.

    but there must be tens of thousands of soldiers who are going through exactly what you are. so at least you know you are not alone, which is something better than nothing.

    can you get proffesional help, like cownes suggested?
  4. Asylum Project

    Asylum Project Well-Known Member

    well yea I have been getting help the past year but nothing seems to be helping, at first it helps then I will go on for awhile then go back into a relapse.
  5. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    Takes time - keep trying... are you stuck with the same therapist? Sometimes one works better for you than another - I had to see several before I could begin working through and having an effect on the flashbacks I was having - and it wasn't the same level of horror...

    Hang in there - You are a brave and strong person to have come through - keep fighting - this time it is the internal war....

    Let us know how you are. :hug:
  6. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    My brother was in the USMC- infantry, mortarman for six years. He was in the reserves and never saw combat but went through some terrible experiences especially training in Panama and an accident at a range where he helped save a fellow Marine's life who's leg was blown off in an accident. That incident also nearly took his life.

    I believe his alcoholism today may be in some part due to the strain, though not nearly comparable to the hell you can't stop experiencing. I hope you can readjust to civilian life, healed in mind and body after your service ends.

    Please don't end your life- God bless your sacrifices!
  7. SelfMadePrison

    SelfMadePrison Banned Member

    No words can express the feelings experienced within me when I read your words.

    I know this may seem silly but my best advice is to join a yoga group.
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You should try another therapist that deals with Ptsd specializes in it. A psychologist that helps war vets there are excellent psychologist that just deals with that. You deserve the best care and i hope you demand it from the army as does all the vets that go to war. my brother just did 2 tours in afganastan and i can tell he is not the same. Make sure you get the best care possible okay.
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