Ironic that in death i'll be doing what i want for the first time in my life.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by FallenOne, Oct 14, 2010.

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  1. FallenOne

    FallenOne Member

    Hi Guys..

    Im a 19 y/o female. I have severe depression, post traumatic stress disorder, undecided personalities and i can't do this anymore.

    'This' is living. I cannot physically wake up everyday anymore feeling the way i do. I'm like the fall guy. When people are sad, it is me who everyone shouts at, I am blamed for the most trivial of things and I'm sick of feeling like it.

    My feelings came about when I was 8 years old, i was sexually abused by a trusted neighbour when i was 3/4 years old, then again at 6 years of age. I've been bullied since I started school, aged 5, I'm now in university and still get it. I first started cutting myself at 13 and made my first suicide attempt at 14 (by method of xxxx). I constantly struggle to find a reason to live and I feel as though I'm the most worthless person in the world.

    I know my suicide will be imminent.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 14, 2010
  2. copingsux

    copingsux Member

    life is worth living all bad things go away eventualy and there are times in all are lives where we just want to end it but life will get better, it always dose
    just hang in there a little longer :badday:
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    No wonder you question your self worth with all the abuse you have endured...have you sought intervention? although it is difficult to hold on to, the abuse was NOT your fault and was the evil of ppl who needed to control someone who could not fight back...please know how valuable you are and that you deserve to live a life in which you show compassion for yourself...big hugs, J
  4. FallenOne

    FallenOne Member

    I just feel that im not worthy of living the life i was given, i know there are people worse off than me and i feel selfish, but i cannot cope anymore. Id rather feel the nothingness of death than live through this
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Then this is something to work deserve to live your life to its fullest...the events that happened in your childhood, shape how you view yourself, although you did nothing wrong...please see if it would be helpful to talk to someone about this...J
  6. FallenOne

    FallenOne Member

    Well, ive been admitted to see a psychologist, but theres a 2 year waiting list and i see a councellor weekly but i just dont feel like its working
    right now i take antihistamine and paracetamol to get to sleep :(
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    You are a worthwhile person so don't listen to what others say hun..(hard I know)
    maybe consider doing assertiveness training and/or cognitive behaviour therapy ...
    If you don't think the counselor is helping get someone's ok to change them if you don't 'clik'..
    You deserve to be happy..*hug*
  8. FallenOne

    FallenOne Member

    Thank you everyone for your posts.
    I have been put onto new anti-depressants (a form of prozac) and i feel much much better
    i wouldnt have done that if it wasnt for the kind words from everyone on here and to all the private messages i have had. I am going to wor hard now to make myself better and i will post regularly to let you all know how i am.

    Occassionally i do have my suicidal feelings, but i can push them away now. x
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