Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by see, Jul 9, 2007.
When you need it,it is never there!!!! Would they notice ???? Odds are they never will !!!!! :lost:
I still haven’t found anybody to talk to everybody seems to be offline I suppose busy fighting your own demons living your life. Even if I did find some one there is not much I can say that I have not said already! Nothing you can say that you haven’t said already. I have been hanging in there for along time 10 years plus hoping that somehow somewhere things will turn around I will get it right, but that’s not going to happen. I am very close to termination but the side fighting to live just does not want me to pull the trigger or maybe that is just another excuse I have drummed up. I have always had these feelings I often thought suicide might be the answer but I never took any steps toward such and act. 2 weeks ago I loaded the gun for the first time and I held it against my head my finger just ignored my brain, in away that was good ,it gave me a chance to meet some really brave and special people.
My impulsive nature, roller coaster emotions and feelings of total hopelessness will ultimately put me with the gun and one split second of impulse of despair will forever change things and even in my death I will cause pain sadness and despair..........................:cry:
I will not be able to cope from tomorrow onward I know I am pathetic there are people that are ill that would anything to be alive I know there are people with real problems in life facing them and hanging on I admire them. It will be just me again no SF no chats no nothing, I know I was always on my own but I seem to have reached the end of my line. There is nothing I need to wake up for.
I might be able to post something in a stolen moment when the opportunity arises. But it won’t matter I am new to SF haven’t had time to make any lasting bonds or impressions I have just been moaning away so even if I did pop up every now and then no one would remember The saddest part is that wont be there for someone when they just need a hug or chat, that is kind of what has been keeping me going the fact that I can help be there for someone. I have posted what I can and I will reply to a few more thanks its been good. That’s just life I am just a number and I guess my numbers up.
Wow, u just voiced everything I feel, except for the numbers up part. I tried 2 live day by day, but learned I have 2 live 15 minutes by 15 minutes. My life really sucks (relatively speaking), but ya, I've been to Haite. Now that sucks. Wish u luck and I am going out to mow the yard and after that do another good thing and another until things get better (they always do).
Now at the end I stand alone amongst so many: sad: my words disappear my heart breaks as I retreat to the confines of mind :cry: