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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by marysue, May 28, 2010.

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  1. marysue

    marysue Member

    ...I stumbled across this site researching self-immolation. One more bizarre coincidence to add to the...veritable library...I have cataloging the oddities of my life.

    I know this is a forum for people in crisis, and I've been lurking for a while, rather than joining, because I don't really feel like I'm in crisis- at least not very often. I didn't feel like I had the right to- I still don't, but.. I don't know.

    I've been- not obsessed, I don't want to call it obsessed. I think about dying a lot. Every day. Seriously, every day for going on twenty years now. It's a reflex, I think. To stress, maybe? Some people comfort eat. I day dream up fun and interesting ways to kill myself.

    And I got thinking the other day that that can't be healthy. I'm not depressed, though there are things in my life which I think I should have every right to be depressed about- I wouldn't blame someone else for finding them depressing, and it's not that I don't have "issues" (doesn't everyone have issues of some kind?) but most of the time I'm in a pretty good mood. I don't want to die, I just can't- I really, honestly, cannot stop thinking about it. It didn't actually occur to me until-as I mentioned- I found this site that perhaps this wasn't exactly a healthy pastime?

    You may also notice my long and enduring love affair with run-on sentences.

    A friend of mine called it Morbid Compulsory Thought Disorder, or something like that. I don't know anything about it, I'd never heard of it before. My medical Dr. is setting me up to see a counselor, maybe I'll ask them about it.

    I have trouble talking to people in the flesh though. Talking about our feelings or problems or whatever isn't something my family ever did while I was growing up, and my husband really doesn't want to hear it. I might sound a little bitter about that- it is irritating sometimes. I have to always be there to comfort and counsel him, but he absolutely. cannot. handle. it. when I'm the one feeling down. I think I just need someone to notice if I'm here, I'm here cause I need to be here. If that makes any sense. I've been browsing the forum and I think some of the exercises I've seen on here might be good for me. A proactive approach to self-therapy or something. Somewhere I can feel like I'm not a freak for needing to get things out.

    Anyway. You might have seen me prowling the chatrooms, I thought I owed you all some kind of explanation why I'm here.

    "Never give up! Never surrender!"

    Why does spell-check hate the words "chatrooms" so much?

  2. DeAdwOrLD

    DeAdwOrLD Well-Known Member

    You mean setting fire to yourself like buddist protesters did in china? Yeah, sounds like a blast! Heh, but playing with fire is always dangerous so it's not a great way to die besides I'm sure you probably want to live underneath all the pain and confusion. Just a thought. You're worth more than a moment of self destructive exhilaration.

    Oh and I think it's healthy that you think about your own death. After all it's going to happen one day for sure. Just don't go bringing it on too soon. When you're gone there is no way back again. Ever.

    Take it easy - D
  3. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I think the spellcheck is smug.

    Welcome to SF!
  4. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Chat rooms is apprently two words, but I digress.

    I can relate to the thoughts on death allowing my mind to drift of a lot thinking of ways I could go even now I am finding I am doing it as I type. I think it is something you should speak to someone about, to get a better understanding etc to help you with your thought processes.

    Anyhow I hope you find what you are looking for here and the support you need, take care and please look after yourself.

  5. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Hi marysue I did see you in chat. I hope you find your stay here pleasent
  6. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I love run-on sentences!! And commas and dashes, too!
    I know I probably use them wayyyyy too much, but-like-yeah... I write however I speak, and I don't breathe very often in between sentences-- isn't that AMAZING?! <lol

    welcome to the forum!
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums Marysue!! You have every right to be here as anyone else.. You don't have to be depressed or suicidal to be here.. There are members here who don't have any of these problems they just want to help.. Welcome aboard..
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    welcome Marysue......
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. It is nice to meet you. :shake:
  10. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I'm a bit overenthusiastic with the commas, myself
  11. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    Hey marysue, just wanted to say welcome.
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