Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Cariad_Bach, Feb 24, 2013.

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  1. Cariad_Bach

    Cariad_Bach Staff Alumni

    So, what's the first thing people say to you when you tell them that you're depressed / suicidal / struggling / etc etc...?

    Lemme guess..... they tell you to 'talk about it' - am I right? I'm right, aren't I?

    Talking is supposed to help - it unbudens you, it lets you vent, it shares your problems, it tells others what's going on and what you need, it allows you to ask for support or advice or sympathy...
    How many times have you seen a response to a post include one of these phrases:
    • 'keep talking'
    • 'talk to me'
    • 'tell me...'
    • 'come and chat'
    • 'pm me if you need to'
    - the list could go on and on and on...

    But then!
    But then - what happens?

    You talk too much - that's what happens.

    If you end up repeating yourself, your words lose their impact.
    If you gain insight from conversations, your intent loses its immediacy.
    If you allow the conversation to drift onto other matters, your issue loses its importance.
    If you keep asking for help it all dries up.

    I HATE hearing about other people's derogatory labels, comments and opinions on so-called 'time-wasters', 'no-hopers', 'drama-queens', etc etc etc.

    You know what I think the problem is? They talked too much.
    This, is my irony.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 24, 2013
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry someone treated you this way...I know that some of my friends I do not tell exactly what is going on, not because I am a burden, but because I do not want them to feel very sad...I think in less intimate relationships there is a balance between what to take and what to give, and less tolerance for people who want to be 'cured' by another, but that aside, people who are close to us should have more of a 'muscle' to hear what we have to you know, my PM box is always open, so if you are ever given the impression that you have spoken too much, that is what it is there for...with caring
  3. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    I'm not sure i am following but...

    talking sux dirt :sad:
    something i struggle with.

    i suggest to ppl they talk.

    some ppl talk and talk, sure...
    running over the same things, just like i do in my head i suppose.
    maybe some attempt at mastery of whatever it is that is weighing/pressing on them.
    and some of them keep breathing
    and some stop.

    i don't know what any of it means.

    ((CB)) but keep talking.
    at least if you are talking, we know you are breathing, and that is a good thing (gentle hug)
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    It's sad that so many people who tell us "talk about it" really believe that talking about it once is the complete solution. In my own experience, I've had to revisit a situation and what it makes me feel and think several times before I could move on from it; and, sometimes, new things will trigger old hurts all over again.

    "Talking too much" blames the person who needs some caring and understanding...Maybe sometimes it's that other people don't have the capacity/ability to listen as much as the person needs. Just remember that we'll listen here. :hug:
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    the hardest part about talking (if you can manage to do it at all) is finding someone who will listen without prior intent or out of politeness - someone who can actually hear what you're saying
  6. DepletedOne

    DepletedOne Member

    Yea, to a great degree, we walk alone. But I also console myself and try to find a friend or two who agree with Ernest Hemingway, “Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I have never actually looked at it like that, but you make some very valid points.
  8. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    I realize this is the wrong place for me to put this but i had no idea where else...and it seems this is one of your latest postings.
    i had not seen you about in a while and just found out you are on leave.
    Anyway...thinking about you, hoping you are alright, and sending ((gentle hugs)) your way...hoping you realize how much you are cared about.
  9. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    All true. Talking unburdens but it doesn't solve anything. But what else is there to do on a forum? Everytime I see a new therapist I get more and more fed-up because I have to talk about the same things again to get this new person to understand.
  10. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

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