Irrational Crush? Advice is very much appreciated...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by skyisburning, Nov 1, 2010.

  1. skyisburning

    skyisburning Well-Known Member

    I'm really frustrated right now...because...I'm losing my mind. Officially. And I know it! I hate myself.

    I can't love myself, let alone love someone else. And I feel like with each guy that I go through, I'm slowly raising and raising the bar for NO FUCKING REASON, to the point that it is officially just unattainable and irrational. I don't know if I do it because I feel like guys are going to be disappointing anyway, so I may as well like ones that I know are already unattainable. Two birds, one stone, you know? Less room for can't disappoint the pessimistic. Though I don't consider myself to be pessimistic...just a harsh realist.

    I'm getting ahead of myself, though, as I haven't even explained the current problem at hand. Let me backtrack a bit. A little over a month ago, I had an unexpected lucky moment where I got to meet and briefly talk to my favorite musician of recent years...and, of course I was mildly "star struck" or whatever you want to call it, and I had a minor crush on the guy (mainly for being so damn talented) beforehand...but after that meeting, oh my crush escalated 20 times over.

    And it would be one thing if he was some big hot shot who lives in LA or NYC and is always doing shows and in the media...of course if that was the case, my "crush" would just fade off into the distance, because it would REALLY be irrational and nuts to even dream on that. But, and here's where things get a little complicated (in my opinion, anyway)... This guy, while yes he is the lead singer of a successful and well-known indie/alternative band, is from the city I now live in. In fact, most of the band is from here, so when they aren't touring, guess where they are? Here in town. Just living their normal lives...doing whatever... Hell, I know at least two of the members are married to girls from here who are just normal gals.

    So what I'm getting at is...I'm having a legitimately hard time pushing this crush to the wayside. It's just not happening. It's getting worse... And I feel dumb for feeling this way, but I can't help it. I am someone who has been very unlucky in love in my lifetime, so on the rare occasion that I meet someone and feel a pull to them, I take advantage of it. It just happens that this was with someone who is probably completely out of my league and unattainable, merely because of his career and my stance in the world.

    God, though...ugh...I really am nuts, aren't I? I read back over this and think, "Jeez oh, you need to just give up and settle instead of leaving your head hanging in the clouds. You're a fucking creep for even thinking this"
    ...but then there is that other part of me that says, "Well, fuck everyone else. You can like who you want to like, and if no one ever dreamed, then nothing would ever come true. And obviously he's here a good portion of the year when he isn't off working...and his family and his bandmates and their families all live here... Is it really that irrational? And you aren't a creep! A creep would stalk him and go extremely beyond and out of their way to meet him all the time...and let it consume their lives. That is SO not you."

    At at this point...I don't know which side of my brain is right. I usually settle with the first thought, because, provides less disappointment and is perfectly realistic and okay. But it still hurts...

    I guess I'm posting this because I hope maybe someone can talk some sense into way or another.... Help me clear my foggy head with words of encouragement and advice (once again, one way or the other).
  2. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    hi. it sounds to me like you are obsessing over a guy that you barely know. you dont know if hes even your type other than the fact he is in a band that you like and you met him once (was it at a meet n greet or a party or something?). its good to appreciate his music, but to be dreaming up a relationship just from one convo is kinda irrational and can lead to disappointment. not that i think he's "unattainable" it's just you need to get to know him better first. also, do you have a decent social life? i think we tend to ruminate on things like this when our personal life is lacking. anyway, i hope you learn to love yourself, you deserve it :)
  3. skyisburning

    skyisburning Well-Known Member

    I know it's irrational to dream up a relationship, but I'm not. I just feel like it's a waste of time to want to get to know him, because the chances of it happening feel extremely slim (even though, in reality, they aren't too far out of base). But I get what you're saying.

    And actually, yes, I have a very good social terms of friends. But regarding any "love interests" My social life in that dept has been lacking for many a year now....
  4. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    oh, i completely misunderstood! i was thinking it was one of those weird celebrity obsessions ppl sometimes get where they kiss a poster before they go to bed every night. anyway, in your case, i think your 2nd thought is right. having a crush are how all relationships start.. if you really like him, i say go for it! i fpr one dont believe in 'leagues' . hope u find a nice guy soon!
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 2, 2010