Is a life devoid of love worth living?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Alliance, Sep 17, 2009.

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  1. Alliance

    Alliance Well-Known Member

    For me, love is impossible.

    Without love I am desolate and would rather be dead.

    Love is the only thing I ever wanted, the only thing I needed was someone in my arms.

    No wife, no kids, 30 years old, I'm too opinionated, I hate people, everything is pointless, nothing is enjoyable, always irritable, deteriorating, getting older, money problems, losing friends, losing attractiveness, everything is downhill from here.

    The love of my life ended it with me in 2003 and I have never gotten over her and never will find a replacement. She is not the reason why I want to kill myself. The reason why is life sucks, the world is an awful, terrible, despicable, garbage dump, stupid waste of space shady ****ing people that I despise. This world is such a very cruel place and I want no ****ing part in it.

    Why the **** shouldn't I kill myself?

    No religious reasons either. I'm athiest, and even if a god existed I would rather go to hell.

    Also, this isn't an impulse decision either since I've wanted to commit suicide for over 15 years now and have severe clinical depression and have tried meds, counseling, etc. The problem is those things don't cure heartache and loneliness.

    My family would understand, and I'm sure a few of them know I want to. Of course I would leave a note. One day, when I finally say "enough", it's gonna happen. I have always believed that my end would be by suicide.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    What ever meds you are on aren't working Have you asked your doctor to try newer meds out there that treat hard to treat depression. Ask doctor change up your meds. When your emotions change and you are less irritable and start liking yourself more that is when things will happen. Change your meds your outlook on people and life and try new things. Learn new things take a course anything that interest you to get you out meeting new people
    You are only 30 that is when i met my sidekick there is still a chance you will meet yours but you have to change you first and then go out and find someone. It is still very duable. take care
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi, I just sent you a PM but wanted to say HI here and let you know that I do care about what you are going through, life ain't fucking easy that is for sure so feel free to write to me in PM if ever you need a friend or someone to lean on.
    I too am trying to get over someone and it is very hard I know so maybe we can lean on each other a bit but please know that I am here for you.
    Hugs Bambi
  4. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Hey there,

    I feel your pain about your lost girlfriend, I'm in same situation and like you, I really don't believe I'll ever get really thru losing her. Love and a sense of belonging seems to be as important to you as it is to me. We want someone to consider us special, the one right? To share the good and bad days, to be by our side...

    I can't tell you that you'll ever find someone to fill the gap left by your gf, I'm sure if I'll ever find her myself, and I'm 10 years younger than you... But I can tell you that you shouldn't give up on the people around you. This may sound really hypocritical as I'm not sure I'll make it till the end of the year and I have but 1 friend who isnt that much of a friend, but I know there are good people out there, people that may not give you the love you seek, but will be your friends and push you back up the right away. As long as you can cope with the pain you're feeling, you should never give up on searching for good friends, even if you feel it's hopeless (like I do), but you might just get lucky enough to find someone, you never know.

    And maybe when you're back up and running, you might just be able to find that special someone you seek so bad.

    As always, if you wanna PM me, go for it :smile:
  5. Alliance

    Alliance Well-Known Member

    Violet, I tried Welbutrin XL for a month or two and it seemed to make things worse. I forget what the other meds the doctor recommended, but I'm not sure it would help.

    Being alone, seeing others with loved ones and families makes me so jealous, and I wonder what is wrong with me. Why not me? What is it about me or my personality that no one wants to be with me. I don't want to go through this life alone, and someday I will refuse to go on.

    Last winter I sat in my bathtub with a bunch of electronics plugged into the bathroom wall socket. All I had to do was grab them and throw them in with me. I'm not sure if it would have killed me, but I couldn't go through with it and ended up calling a friend.

    Anyhow, I do get out. I'm almost done getting my bachelor's degree and hopefully be accepted into the JET Programme to teach English in Japan next year. Also, I hang out at a Coffee Shop, where there's lots of regulars whom I talk to. I tend to think that people can see right through me at how depressed, bitter and jaded I am. I'm too opinionated, and it's hard to hide that, and I guess other people talk badly about me because of it too.

    Ordep, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. After 6 or so years, I'm finally starting to dream about her less and less, and think about her less too. Now my pain comes from being so alone.

    Thanks Bambi, the problem isn't so much her anymore, but not having anyone in this cruel world. Life is pain, and the point of it seems to be trying to ease the pain and hanging on. To me though, hanging on isn't worth it, not without anybody in my life. Friends are good, but I need something more.
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