Is any one here on here also Transgender?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by will_1957, Jan 23, 2011.

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  1. will_1957

    will_1957 Well-Known Member

    Hey. I have recently found out that I can be classified as having Gender Identity Disorder, which was not a very big surprise to me. I know that some of my suicidal feelings have come from my not being able to express myself fully in the way I want to.

    I was just wondering if there is any one else that's transgender and are also dealing with mental illness and suicidal ideation because I feel really alone right now in the world and feeling really suicidal.
  2. I am a butch and i don't feel anything bad about being a butch..

    You can try to use this forum to express yourself..? Want to give it a try..? This forum is a better place to express yourself because all in all, you are sitting behind the computer and telling us about your problems and no one can see your expression and no one knows you.. :smile:
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    my best friend is ftm transgendered. he's not on here but sends his love. hang in there,

  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    So would you like to be called Michelle now or Will? :unsure:
  5. HakunaMatata

    HakunaMatata Well-Known Member

    I know of a Female to male, he said he went through it and he's enabled me to open up to him.
  6. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    One of my older brothers is a... crossdresser? I guess? I don't know exactly because as far as he knows he's still firmly entrenched in the closet when it comes to me, our other brother, and our dad. Last year he wrote a letter to my mom and my sister explaining his feelings on it; apparently saying he wanted to be treated as a woman in future, but would not be undergoing the operation. Too expensive? He apparently said. I only know about this because sister and I remain fairly close and she informed me immediately despite brother in question's insistence on secrecy.

    Sister and mom did not respond particularly well to this letter. It was a major surprise. Mom apparently sent him a bunch of bible verses, sister just sort of freaked out about it. Essentially what they did is push him right back into the closet from whence he came. Right now he's continuing on as if the whole incident had never happened and still believes that me and the other male members of the family are none the wiser about it.

    I feel really bad about how my mom and sister reacted. On the other hand, I was also offended that he didn't trust me enough to inform me in the first place. I thought we were friends. Had he done so, I would have told him it's okay and that I kind of suspected he was this way long ago. That I still love him and support him however he chooses to live his life. But he never came out to me. If I tell him I know, it would be a betrayal of our sister's trust. So I don't know what to do about it. Maybe drop some hints next time I visit him that I'm not going to respond negatively to the news, I suppose. When I saw him last year he seemed really depressed.

    eh... anyway, you're not alone will_1957. If you ever want to talk, send me a PM or something.
  7. SashaJade

    SashaJade Well-Known Member

    Hi, I've recently been diagnosed with the same thing... So I'm FTM transgender...

    If you ever need to chat feel free to PM me.

    Much love,

    Sam x
  8. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

    Tbh I sometimes want to dress like a boy etc...but I don't think I'm trasngendered. I think it's a silly diagnosis, and I don't believe in the operation because of past religious views and believing medicine is creepy anyway.
  9. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    it's not a silly diagnosis, that's just an uncaring thing to say. imagine being born into the wrong body. just because it doesn't apply to your situation doesn't make it any less painful for the people going through this. i think you should read up on the struggle that transgendered people go through before you comment.
  10. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    i have had a lot of gay friends over the years and never felt their sexual orientation was my business and mine theirs, but i cant begin to understand how hard it must be for you having the mentality of one gender but the body of another and being expected to live according to the physical body. i dont pretend to understand the finer points but that does not mean i wouldnt support a friend in the same position and would defend their right to do what is right for them.

    unfortunately ignorance can cause a lot of additional pain for anyone that is different from the "mainstream" whether its anything from mental health to vegetarianism.

    dont let the opinions of others cloud your emotions if you can help it, its merely ignorance/lack of understand that makes them this way, and doesnt always mean they are bad peeps either.

    you are who you are, you just have to decide which battle is harder, living a lie or living the life you want :hug:
  11. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

  12. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry I didn't mean to come off that way I think I wrote it the wrong way. I know about the struggles and everything, I just like's not unnatural like something else. I guess that's what I meant.
  13. the_only_one

    the_only_one Well-Known Member

    i dont understand why people are so prejudeced (bad speller) to people that are different! does it reallyy matter if your gay/straight/ or trans, okay. if they have a horrible attitude or a mean person, then i can see ehy people dont like them, but every one ive met is soo friendly what makes them so different!!! sorry if i rambled and got confusing:/ just a hot tpoic forme
  14. TaraJo

    TaraJo Banned Member

    I'm transsexual. I think I can understand a lot of what you're going through. It isn't easy to face being trans and a lot of us don't do anything about it until we reach the point where we have to choose between transitioning or suicide.

    Fortunately, I didn't choose suicide. And I'll be the first to admit, transitioning hasn't been easy. I've had to deal with unemployment, homelessness and family abandonment. But is it worth it? Absolutely!

    I've been on estrogen for nearly three years and most of my facial hair is gone now. I don't think I pass 100%, but I pass well enough that the world reacts to me as a woman. And how do I feel now?

    Before, the best way I can describe it is that I was always miserable and when something made me happy, the happiness was just a temporary state, after which I went back to feeling miserable. Now it's the opposite: even when things get bad (and they can get REALLY bad), it's just temporary and there's this huge swath of good feeling underneath.

    If you think this is what you need to do, go for it. There is support out there and there are people who will be there for you; and I am one of them.
  15. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I just don't understand why someone would want to change their gender? Why not be happy with how God created you?
  16. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just a reminder that the OP seemed to be looking for people who may be dealing with similar feelings; they didn't appear to be looking for criticism or debate.
  17. bls

    bls New Member

    Here's a story for you and I'm sorry it's not more supportive but it may help in some ways. First...I'm not sure you meant it this way, but being transgendered is NOT considered a mental illness. It's considered a very real "disorder", though. And yes, I'm TS. I had surgery 10 years ago and have been happy most times. I lost my family over it, which hurt. But you can get past that. I get the frustration and discouragement over not being able to live the life you need to live. But you're lucky and you need to remember that. You can fix it if you REALLY want to. Work hard and save the money. I worked three jobs. It didn't matter what it took or what I had to do to get the money. THAT part is easy. Find a good TS therapist who can guide you through transition and get you to where they will write a letter to get your driver's license gender changed. Lot of challenges ahead and I won't lie, it's hard work. But it's not hopeless and not worth dying over certainly. You know you CAN live and function as the opposite gender any time you want. The biggest hurdle is...can you pass? I'm not great looking and my voice isn't the best. But it's not the worst and with a female drivers license, passport and even birth certificate, if anyone questions me, I can prove myself. You can do that, too. Suicide is for something there's absolutely NO WAY out of...NO HOPE EVER. You have hope. I, on the other hand, do not which is why I came here. When I saw your post I had to reply. You're not alone (though it probably feels like it.) It's a hard fight. It takes time to save the money and go through transition. But you CAN do it if you want to. You will find that there are sacrifices to be made. Life isn't all rosy on the other side of surgery. Trust me on that one. It's a matter of trade-offs. And you should also know that a lot of people find that after the surgery life is totally not what they expected and become suicidal because of THAT. I like being female. But sometimes (once in a while) I wish I hadn't done it. It's cost me everything else in my life that meant anything to me. And that's what happens to most of us. I lost my family, I lost the love of my life over it. It's harder to find a job even though my employer let me transition and stay there. I know how sad things feel being stuck where you are. I know the depression. But you have a lot to think about and a lot to work toward and live for if you truly want to have the surgery. It's a challenge. It's fun. But not hopeless and not worth dying over. If you want hopeless, check my post a bit further on.
    All the luck with it. You CAN get through it. I know. I did it.
  18. bls

    bls New Member

    Hey Dave...I know it's tough to "GET IT" and understand how it feels for someone not transgendered to know what we go through. But "why not be happy"? Hmm...that's a lot like asking why people shouldn't be happy that they're born blind or deaf. Or a better example maybe is why not be happy if you're a serial killer? There's something different in that person's brain that makes them what they are. I imagine a lot of people whose brains function differently than what is considered "normal" are QUITE unhappy about it. Because you're not afflicted with it, you cannot understand. But what you have to keep in mind is that God also made transgendered people the way we are. God made us all what we are whether we're good or bad or whatever. That doesn't mean we have to like and accept it. The main purpose in life (I think) is to play it like a game. You take the good parts and cherish them. You take the bad parts and do everything you can to get past them. And you work to change what's not good so it becomes that way. "Be happy with what God gave you" is easy to say what you're already happy or content with it. Not so easy when your entire life is crumbling. Read my post, to follow, if you want to see desperation.
  19. bls

    bls New Member

    My dilemma...wanna talk pretty hopeless?

    I'm "dying" (suicide humor) to see if anyone can give me a reason to stay alive. I'm transgendered as well. Lost my family as I said above. Still hurts after 10 years but you get used to that. The person I love has stayed with me. I married her when I was male. She is bipolar and had several years (12 years) where she couldn't drive, get to a doctor, and I took care of her. Sometimes it was so bad that she couldn't even function. She couldn't remember things from day to day. But I love her and got her through all the bad. In the last year her doctors finally hit on a med cocktail that works for her. Now she can drive and do anything a normal person can do. She's gone out, lost 80 pounds and started making friends. She also met a man and started sleeping with him. Now that she no longer needs me, she'd told me she wants a divorce. THAT hurts the worst I think. I gave 13 years of my life to take care of her and now I'm tossed aside like used trash. It's funny but the one thing I always was scared to death of is growing old alone. I always felt that if I had one brother or sister or a spouse or just SOMEBODY who genuinely cared, I could get through just about anything. I can't spend holidays alone. I can't spend my birthday where nobody gives a damn that it's a special day for me. I've never had to do that in my life. May seem foolish to some or like something I'll "get used to" in time. But for me, it's frightening to have nobody to call when you need help. No friends to talk to...NONE!

    That's bad enough but I'm also going to have to leave my home. I'm 56 years old with nothing but a high school diploma. I've been unemployed for 18 months and cannot survive with no money. I apply for probably 10 jobs a week. I get maybe one interview per week and I have great references but I just don't seem to be what employers want. Oh...and as far as being transgendered, I pass easily so that's not the problem. I'm not terribly attractive but passing isn't the issue that's keeping me from being hired. I am. 56. No education. Can't get a job. Lost the only person in the world I love. Soon to be homeless. Not a single friend in the world to turn to locally. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for years just to have someone to talk to but who also gives me sleeping meds. Without those meds I sleep 3 hours a night and have horribly frightening nightmares so I NEED those. I also have high blood pressure and those meds cost about $200 a month. Not having a job, I have no insurance of course. So I'm facing life alone, on the street with no meds and no job and no way to eat and not a single person in the world who cares. Now THAT is reason for ending it. THAT is hopelessness! If I had to sit down and write out a list of things that were the worst things imaginable to have to endure, aside from losing body parts or the use of them, this is everything. I can't endure this. If anyone has actual "solutions" I'd love to hear them because I'm about a week away from ending this. And please...don't go through the old diatribes of "when one door closes, another one opens" or "God never gives us more than we can handle" or "just give it time". I don't HAVE time. God HAS given me more than I can handle...obviously. No doors have opened though I continue to apply for jobs. I'm out of time, options and worst of all, alone (in a literal sense). I know there are others out there in the same boat so of course I'm not alone in this situation but that's of no help. What I need are solutions. How to avert this emotional abyss. A job...a purpose in life. SOMEBODY who needs me...a reason to live. Because I'm on the verge of losing every last thing in my life that means anything to me. And without those, there simply IS no reason to continue. If you want to talk crisis mode, this is truly it. I've almost given up. I'm not going to quit trying but after 18 months and nothing and about to be out on the street without a penny, things don't look too promising. I have a couple of weeks. Any suggestions? REAL help, please? Encouragement isn't in the cards and won't help, I'm afraid. I've had all of that I can deal with. Thanks for reading this. It will be interesting to know if, faced with this, anyone else would go on and just HOW you might go about it.
  20. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I'm not necessarily transgender but I consider myself Androgynous or Bi-Gendered. And I know of at least 4 people on this forum who are transgender and 2 others who are Androgynous. So your not alone. :)
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