Is Anyone Else Depressed Because Of This?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by juicy, Dec 10, 2013.

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  1. juicy

    juicy Well-Known Member

    All I'm going to say is....I can't find a job at all. I moved out of my home state of California to go to the Deep South (I love my family there, and the food, but it isn't a place for a young man) strictly because I had amazing family support and was able to help my Mom take care of my sick grandmother, while also going to school. So I got my associates at least and when I come back to California because jobs were scarce in Mississippi, I can't find a job to save my life here in California. I won't say where I'm at, but it's basically a clone of the small town I lived in in the Deep South except the ethnicities are different, there's more diversity, etc etc etc. But yes, jobs. I can't find one here. So now I have to either move back to the city I grew up in here in California, swallow my pride and stay with my Dad until I can get on my feet (he and I are at odds right now, have been for years. I don't like him whatsoever) OR I can go through my Mom's open door: she's getting like 5000-6000 dollars from a friend and I can go live with her in a nearby city. Close to where I live now.

    But see, I Feel like I'm a burden to her. I pay for my own groceries, but everything else she provides for me. All because I can't find work here. I can't find a job. I hate it. I had more luck in Mississippi. I was working there, happy there, BUT I also knew I needed to go back to California. It just wasn't the same. So I wasn't completely happy I guess. I don't know, dude. I just feel like I'll never be able to relieve my mom of the burden that I am unless well, I kill myself. That's the only answer. I'm tired of feeling like a burden to my Mom. She tells me I'm not, but I know I am. SHe's only saying that to make me feel better.
     
  2. juicy

    juicy Well-Known Member

    Basically, it's hard to find a job in this economy. Even my Mom is having a hard time finding a job, and she has all kinds of work experience. She's had luck before but...let's just say circumstances didn't allow her to snag the job she WOULD have snagged. They were ready to give it to her and everything but the return transition back to California wasn't as smooth as it should have been. Ugh. =/
     
  3. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    Hang in there... Just for your mom will you?
     
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Jucy, times are so depressing for way too many. Its like the country is in a sort of depression. There are some who are not touched by it. And way too many who are. I cannot imagine the agony of a mother when her child dies. So I do not think killing yourself would help her, if you know what i mean. sometimes I do not think clearly when I am in a lot of pain, feeling depressed etc. And yes, i do think people would be better off without me. But I also know it would be a horriffic thing to do to my mother. and she doesnt even like me much, lol.

    I am sorry that things are so difficult for you both now. Sometimes what we can give a mom cannot be measured in dollar amount etc. But in love. That sounds pretty trite. But i think its true. please take care. And know you are not alone. So many are feeling horrible about themselves because they cannot find a job. Way too many people. :hug:
     
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I can't find a job, either, but the economy sucks here. I feel a bit like a drain on people, and a loser because I just feel unsuccessful. Not the main reason I feel suicidal, but it definitely factors into it. Sorry you are feeling this way, but you aren't alone.
     
  6. juicy

    juicy Well-Known Member

    Hm, well at least I had the luxury of being able to move away from places that were difficult to live in. Guess you can't just up and leave. Nice to know I'm not alone<3
     
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Yeah, I kinda feel like I'll be stuck here until I die, which hopefully won't be long. But I hope things will get easier for you soon, and that you'll get a break somehow.
     
  8. juicy

    juicy Well-Known Member

    What do you mean when you say your mom doesn't like you much?
     
  9. juicy

    juicy Well-Known Member

    I hope you do too.
     
  10. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    My mother has never been overly fond of me. Thats just the way it is. I love her very much. And she does have her own brand of love for me. She just never liked me. But she would be grief stricken if I died. Any sane mother, parent does not ever recover from the loss of a child. Thats what I think anyway.
     
  11. juicy

    juicy Well-Known Member

    Yeah but in a world where money means so much, it can be hard to find value in love, as far as giving love and hoping that will be enough for now.
     
  12. juicy

    juicy Well-Known Member

    Oh so you two were never close. That's sad. I'm trying to imagine what you're saying like...so she wasn't the kind of parent to like....do you have any brothers or sisters? Were you the least favorite out of the bunch? Did she play favorites? Or she just never went out of her way to make your life more comfortable than it had to be? For example, my Dad and Mom would spoil me at times, my Dad a lot less than my Mom, but I was given a lot of luxuries that I would have been perfectly happy to not have had.
     
  13. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    To a mother your love is more important and valuable than you may imagine. I know thats sort of impossible to know until you are a mom yourself. But it really is true. You are that important to your mother's heart. Not all mothers are like that.But I believe yours is. It is easy to underestimate the power of our love and our safety where our mothers are concerned. Everything can be going wrong. But if your kid is safe then this is the most important thing. does that make any sense?
     
  14. juicy

    juicy Well-Known Member

    Yeah it does I suppose. And mine is like that. It's just hard when you can't give your Mom a lot when she's given you so much. That's my problem. I feel like I haven;'t really done enough for her even if I have by just being alive, but that just doesn't seem like enough. Suicide is just so tempting because I know that it can be all over within a few minutes.
     
  15. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    i don't have the same feelings, well, kind of..

    i'm not depressed because i can't find a job, but i feel that my life is being wasted- i feel like i'm meant to do something, but i don't know what... i have no interests or things i want to do- so how can you find something if you don't even know what you're looking for?
    it's 1 vicious circle for me- 1 moment i feel really guilty that i'm doing nothing, but the next i really don't care
     
  16. juicy

    juicy Well-Known Member

    that must suck. to live without knowing what you're meant to do. I know what I'm probably meant to do, but I'm just too...........I just feel like ...death just seems so much more...it seems easier.
     
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