Is anyone else numb as me?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Murphycide, Dec 17, 2014.

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  1. Murphycide

    Murphycide New Member

    I am numb, that is the easiest way to put it. I am a veteran who served 2 deployments overseas. I got out in 2011. I was married when I got out and because I had a few screws loose when I got back from war she divorced me, took my daughter and left me on the streets of a city I knew nobody, tried to end my life (failed) that same year. Hitchhiked to my friend’s house cross country. My family is all estranged from me or dead including my parents. Now 27 years old (December 17th, 2014) Re-married, have a baby and 2 awesome stepsons. I go to school full time.

    I should be so happy in my life but I feel so numb.
    Every morning I want to <mod edit - methods> but I don’t. I come up with so many ways every day to end it (some of them are pretty impressive and no you can’t have my ideas). I can’t find happiness in anything that I do, all of my old hobbies just don’t seem appealing. My wife is a wonderful woman but I feel so cold inside, as I wouldn’t bother me how she would feel if I was gone. I fake a smile when my new baby boy does something that i know I should be elated about. I know it’s not normal to feel like this but I was just wondering if there is anyone else out there who feels so numb that they are too numb to even care to end it but that’s all you want to do.

    I believe I am going insane in this world because there seems as if there is nothing left to gain or that nothing even matters because we will all end up in the ground anyway. How does one continue to live a normal life like this?

    Just a head up I have been through the therapy, meds, psychotherapy. I am Plain NUMB.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 18, 2014
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi welcome to the forum. Life is tough but you have a future to focus on which is your son. You deserve to live your life but don't think anything different. Keep posting here for support as you will find people in similar thoughts and experiences. The important thing to remember is that you are not suffering alone. Take Care.
  3. frogger22

    frogger22 New Member

    I understand exactly how you feel. I live everyday the same way.
    It's hard to explain but you have done it perfectly.
    I fake emotions for the world as well. All the time wondering what's the point?
    You are not alone.
  4. Murphycide

    Murphycide New Member

    it isn't hard to explain how I have managed to do it perfectly. it sucks doing things perfectly. I have to shove a knife through my finger just to feel one once or shred of being alive. I'm bored, crazy, and numb.
  5. Failure

    Failure Well-Known Member

    I do what you have explained every single day. I have clinical depression so I don't like anything that I used to like before, and I feel numb on a daily basis. Do you have a therapist or a counselor you are seeing? I know that some won't help, but if you find one that suits you, you will be able to recover from this with help.
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Numbness is not a stranger to some of us. I do not know the answer to the solution but I just know it's a good thing to try to pretend to be enjoying it than mope around and feeling sorry for ourselves.
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