Is anyone out there?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by supermodel, Jun 23, 2008.

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  1. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    Okay so the fact that I've talked about it..and tell people does that mean I really don't want to do it? Am I a coward? What is it? Why can't I just do it. I've attempted it before..but nothing happened. I didnt ingest enough pills I guess...just wound up with a really bad stomach ache. I see the statistics that show that 75% of people that talk about it..attempt it at some point. What's stopping me so far is my daughter....but I can't let that be enough. I asked my friend and she was like...what about how this is going to make her feel and screw up her life? I said," So its better for her to have a suicidal mom?"

    I'm so confused...but my time here on earth is very limited.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I find the question "So it's better for her to have a suicidal mom?" to be an interesting one. My answer to that would be yes, because you can still be there for her, still seek help and perhaps find the hope necessary to continue on. You have an understanding of what it is to be suicidal and survive. Many times there is a reason we want our lives to end. Is it to stop the pain? The pain can come from many different sources. If that were taken away, would you choose to live? What would make life worth living for you?
  3. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    i agree with Gentle, its better for your daughter to have you in her life no matter how you feel, just because you feel this bad now doesnt mean that it will always be this bad all the time.

    i had to think about the same things once, i even convinced myself at one stage that my kids would be better without me but i realised that i am their dad and i couldnt hurt them by taking myself away from them.
    suicide has so many lasting after effects on those that are left behind.

    you seem a sensible woman and its obvious that you love your girl, carry on being strong for yourself and her and take one day at a time, work thru your problems and things will get better in time that living will be a better option for you.

    stay safe
  4. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    Well when good things happen to me like I said, I just wait for the ball to it always does. I'm just tired. I've been doing a lot of research on some things like how I will take my life when it happens and getting into the spiritual side of things by trying to figure out what's on the other side. I don't want to be here anymore.
  5. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    stop looking for ways to go and look for ways to live hun.

    please dont do this
  6. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    I've looked for reasons to live...okay I'm a writer and I recently wrote two screenplays (both of them deal with death and one is a dark romantic comedy about suicide...go figure) BEsides my daughter, the one thing that keeps me here is my writing. I want to one day become the first black woman to win an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay. I kind of hold on to that corny dream...but really isn't going well there either. I mean I've gotten a LOT of feedback from it...good feedback...but I'm scared the other areas in my life like my job and my lack of holding onto a decent relationship will be my tipping point.
  7. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    looks like you have more to live for than die for hun.
    nothing wrong in having a dream and from what you have said you are good at it and its something you can be proud of.
    dont worry about the relationship bit, you don't need one to be happy or to have a worthwhile life.
    this sort of thing will come in time hun, just be happy and content with yourself first , in time other things will fall in place.

    you have more than you realise hun, take stock and look at what you have.
  8. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Hi supermodel I just read your post I wanted to say it's because you don't want it to end of course but thinking of whatever it take's to stop the pain and end it.In saying is it better for your daughter to have a suicidal mom I have to say yes also,I know you may be thinking what's the point in me being around if I'm like this for my daughter.

    Well as long as you're alive and she can see,touch,hear you etc that's already a massive boost.Please don't feel guilty about suicide you're obviously hurting so much that's what it is and this pain is unbearable.But please don't give in unless you've tried everything,I have to tell you I've been suicidal for ages but have never attempted well I don't know why.Maybe I keep thinking of thing's I like to live for.
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