is beating up a child only if he/she did mistake abuse or not??

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by bubblin girl, Oct 3, 2009.


is beating up in childhood as discipline kind of abuse or not??

  1. abuse

    38 vote(s)
  2. not abuse

    6 vote(s)
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  1. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    my parants still belive that all the beating up when i was child from them was cos i did bad stuff. And yeah i admit that i was bad and i need to discipline.but I dont think beaiting up is the way for discipline like what they think.
    also, they say my child is a happy one & i shouldnt be sad or have pycho issue cos of it...please i wanna your opinoin on that..maybe help me to know whats right & whats wrong..thx:unsure:
  2. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    It's definitely abuse.

    It's actually illegal here in Sweden, and most or all nordic countries, as well (as I remember it). In Sweden, the social services may even decide that you're not suitable to take care of your child if you do that...

    Child abuse is an extremely poor way to raise one's child. When I was five, my father just pulled me in the ear when I hadn't actually even really done anything, and came to him and showed what I had mistakenly done. I became beyond upset and I still remember that event so clearly... he just physically hurt me that one time, ever, and yet I won't ever forget about it. Your parents' way of raising is not right. Keep in mind that what they've done is illegal in some countries... for good reason.
  3. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I was beaten as a child with twigs, belts and slippers. And I'm not talking a little slap here and there, I'm talking BEATEN until I was bruised and bloody.
    But that's how my family were all brought up and they see that as normal. Of course it was only when I had done something naughty but I disagree with beating children. I do agree with smacking (but don't get me wrong, there is a little tap/flick and then there is physical abuse).

    You need to know what's what.
  4. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    hi Hae-Gi,
    how r ya?
    thx alot
    u really help me
    in my orignal country is allowed..any way they think they r right..and its totally not abuse at all..they bulls my ear, hair,slaps, scrach from there nails, every now and least once a week...anyway i never got broken bones or lot of bruises thnks God.but i felt very hurt inside and out.and when i say that they say i desive it cos i did somthing bad & say we did nothing wrong.they ll never belive me that hit 8 mounth child and older is wrong :(
  5. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    hi Linds83
    im so sorry to hear that.
    yeah i totally agree with u.
    i wasnt get slap only, i was also by high heels,belts and not verymuch like u...but what i possibly did when i was only months old to get that, plus I never do somthing very bad or very nughty...i was rude sometimes and yeah i desirve discipline,but i wasnt thinking that much slapping alot and they still think its so normal...also i was beating up by high heels if i get bad score at school and they now i dont have good IQ.anyway, all what i think is not normal like what they say.
    thanks alot Linds83.
  6. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    They started hitting you when you were just eight months old? That's completely fucked up. Commonly, children don't even develop self-conscience before they are about three years old... how can they expect someone who isn't even aware of their existence to behave "properly"? And you have to wait several more years from that before children also will start to be able to more or less properly differ "right" from "wrong".

    Anyway, your parents' treatment of you obviously has been beyond bad. Beating up an eight months' old child would end up in the news, here. Sorry for your situation... :/ I hope you'll get out of that house, soon.
  7. Trance

    Trance Well-Known Member

    Its abuse v.v

    That's my parents same excuse for the abuse they put me through. My mom actually told me she feels she did nothing wrong and feels no guilt because she knows that what she did had to be done and that someday i'll thank her. Pfft...she wishes.
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Beating a child as a form of discipline is definitely abuse. There is a difference between beating and a gentle slap on the hand though. Some would still consider that abuse. Nothing should ever be done in excess or to the extreme.
  9. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    I don't see spanking as a form of abuse, provided it is within reason and the overall intent of the spanking is to shock and embarass more than it is to cause pain.

    I was spanked and on the scale of things that have led me to this site, spanking is definately at the low end of the scale. My parents reserved spanking only when I was doing something dangerous, or for fighting. And then it was with an open palm to the buttocks, and never with a belt or paddle.

    There is a very far cry between beating up a child and disciplining.

    That being said, I am not a fan of corporal punishment and don't intend to use it on my children. Why? Because I'd feel too bad.
  10. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Yes, the beating up of a child is ALWAYS abuse.
  11. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    beating, slapping,'s all abuse.

    don't forget the neglection and emotional abuse that comes with the physical abuse.
  12. Tray

    Tray Well-Known Member

    Its not abuse. Its perfectly normal. My parents beat me plently. I never saw anything wrong with it when i was little or even now. Children need to be shown who is boss sometimes and getting physical is the only way. My family firmly belive in not letting children step out of line and forget there place. Being physical is the only way. If you think there is another way rather than giving up on them and abandoning them then you mistaken.

    In all its just a matter of different cultures different lifestyles.
  13. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Abuse. Definitely abuse. Spanking is ok (although even that's debatable in some societies) but anything beyond that is abuse, especially pulling hair, scratching with nails etc, the examples you gave.
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I strongly disagree, being physically violent towards your children(which I would call abuse), teaches them that hitting is ok. Violence is NEVER acceptable so why would you do that to your own children? There's lots of ways to show them ''who's boss'' without resorting to such extreme measures.
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Why is this in substance abuse? :blink:
  16. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I really don't know, I suffered alot of abuse as a kid and it made me humble, and I see assholes in this world and country who probably never had any discipline

    I think more kids should get beaten
  17. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    "Wasted", don't have yourself and them a favor.

    "Tray", it's abuse and if a kid comes to school with a few marks a couple of times "Child Protective Services" is called in.

    What my parents did to me, which was strapping me with a belt could easily be considered child abuse today.

    All of this information can be found online at "Child Protective Services", "Child Welfare" and "Child Abuse"
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 7, 2009
  18. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Beating children is the lazy way to discipline them. It takes a lot of work to teach children, examine the situation with them, and then guide them through their consequence.
  19. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    In one of the masterpieces of portuguese literature, the father of the main character (then a child) says he doesn't want to raise his son through the catholic teachings that were common at the time but through a more practical, english education because he wants his son to be honorable and good, not because he is afraid of going to hell for doing the wrong thing, but because he knows in his heart it's the right thing to do.

    The same can be applied to beatings. If a child does something wrong and you use physical discipline on him/her as a way of punishment, you're not teaching the child it's wrong to do what s/he did. You're just saying that if they ever do it again, they'll get punished again.

    In the end, the child may learn the lesson and never do it again... but that's just because s/he's afraid of the punishment. They don't fully accept that it's wrong, they just don't want to be beaten again. The right way to adress the situation is to make the child understand that what he/she did was wrong and make sure s/he understands the dire consequences of their act on their own lives and those around them. But that just takes too much time and effort so most parents just resort to some good ol' spanking.

    And why? Because in the next day, both methods usually present the same result! The child doesn't repeat the action, so the fast, spanking, method should be better right? Well, that's what most parents who don't give it enough thought think, and that's the exact reason why so many adults out there think it's ok to do anything illegal or moraly wrong as long as they don't get caught. As long as there is no punishment, it's ok to do anything.

    Spanking to impose respect, to show who's in charge, or to show the child what their place is is also an illusion. Respect cannot be imposed by force, fear can. You don't respect someone because that someone can beat you up if you challenge him, you just fear him. For a child to respect the parent, the parent must present wisdom, good guidance and genuine interest on the child, both on the child's best and worst. Most parents think that because they slapped the kid and he doesnt question their opinion anymore means they are being respected when truly, the child is most often just wishing he had the strengh and muscle to impose himself against the parent and thinking "Someday...."

    Another thing that often happens is spanking because the child has different views of life than the parents. That happens mostly with smart and self aware children who like to speak their mind. Sometimes their free thinking clashes with what the parent believes and the argument begins. The parents may sometimes resort to physical punishment on the "stupid brat who is still too young to know anything about the world". Well, many times the child actually has a point and having his/her opinion dismissed and met with violance only based on their age represses the brain and leads to great feelings of anger and hate that sometimes have drastic consequences. If a youngster has a grown man's opinion, it should be listened like any grown man.

    This all comes from my personal experience as my father used to beat me alot and even tough I'm 20 and in college while he didn't go to high school to begin with, he still thinks his opinion is worth more than mine because I'm younger. He would still like to beat me, but I'm much stronger than him now, and unstable. He knows there's a big chance he'll go flying out of the window if he ever tries to beat me again, because I hate him so much for repressing my free thinking for years and trying to raise me with beatings that only worked on making me scared of him that I would beat him to a pulp if he ever tried to hit me again.

    Maybe I'm a bad son, well to that SOAB I'm happy to be. It just proves his stupid XIX century system doesn't work. I'm the ebst son I can be for my mother tough.

    Oh and congrats to Sweeden for being vanguardists on this. It's surely the best thing to be done to this cave-man way of raising a child.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 7, 2009
  20. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Well, if someone beat kid once or twice, and if that person does that only once or twice per year, than i don't see the problem.

    However, beating up someone often is abuse.
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