Does anyone else struggle with not feeling better even though MDs, therapists, family, co-workers all seem to think you are better because your outward behaviors or "ability to function" has "improved"? I struggle with this A LOT. For example, I'll be off work because the depression/fatigue/focus/concentration is too bad. I eventually get put on medications that give me some energy and "fix" the focus/concentration enough that i can work. Sometimes (not usually) there may also be medications that stop the suicidal "intrusive" thinking. However, upon reflection I'm always wishing I were dead or never born so to me I'm not "better" inside. I'm still not happy with my life. I still "dream" of when i can kill myself some day in the future. I just have enough energy and focus to "suck it up" and do the constant self talk that it takes to get through a day of work (OR they've found a drug combination that causes me to not fight for my soul anymore but instead am just numb). Sometimes I've just decided something just was too hard to fight for. In those cases people around me have said stuff like, "you seem happier" or "we're getting along so much better now". ??? But the reality for me is more likely that things were so messed up that I gave up. It hurt too much to try or I came to the conclusion that my needs (that i was expressing) just weren't important enough to them. I can't force people to care so I try to deal with that and accept it, but hearing comments from them that things are 'better' when they are actually worse for me inside, brings even more pain to the already painful situation. When the "numb drugs" stop working or my body is so drained from the constant self talk, avoiding, and stuffing it takes to "function so well", my depression becomes visible again because I can't contain inside it anymore. I try to explain to MDs or therapists that I don't think I ever really get better because the core issues haven't been worked through. I tell them I want to do things differently this time around so that I don't end up numb or "good enough to work but my home life is still a disaster" in a few months but I can't seem to get through to those who are supposed to be helping me. I get comments like, "oh, you were better, the depression is just making you forget". Sometimes I think the ability to "function" has been a double edged sword that has probably prevented me from getting the help I need. I'm so tired of the same conversations over and over with every new professional. My favorite comment has to be, "but you haven't tried that with me" - as if doing the same treatment plan AGAIN is going to have a different result. How come it's not insanity when therapists and MDs are asking you to do the same thing over and over expecting different results? I'm not sure if i'm making any sense at all, but if I am - anyone else encounter this problem and have any advice on how to get people to understand that increased energy and signs of outward functioning do not necessarily = "you're better" or "you can go back to work now"?