Is counselling a lie?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by feathers, Jan 8, 2011.

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  1. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Honestly, every counseling experience I have has has been complete and utter bullshit. You go in, you tell all of your deepest darkest secrets, and then they go, thanks, see you next time. What? Do people actually pay for this bullshit in places where they don't have a free health care service? I reap no actual benefit from this whatsoever. In fact it's counterproductive because I'm left disappointed and without the hope I had when I went in.

    A number of things I've heard from counselors are just along the lines of "What colours do you see when you get angry?" "Oh you found out you were pregnant? That must have been a shock for you," and just repeating what I've said back to me. Yes, I know what I just said, because I just said it. It doesn't help that they repeat it back to me, in fact it annoys me.

    It's just useless, I have friends that I talk to, that I tell everything to. Even that doesn't help. I have real issues, real problems that don't go away or even lesson just because I've told someone. I've come to the personal conclusion that counseling is for people with either a. no real problems or b. no one to talk to. And neither of those apply to me, so I've now ruled out counseling as useless.

    Will psychotherapy actually do anything for someone like me? Who doesn't benefit from talking? Or am I beyond help?

    K x
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I have found my experiences very helpful, but I think a client has to be very involved to get what s/he needs...and like any other profession, the quality of the provider varies widely...please find someone who is wise and can help you and do not put up with a relationship that is not helpful...J
  3. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    I really don't see HOW it could help though. I honestly don't. Talking doesn't change anything. It doesn't bring me any comfort. Even when talking to close friends or my boyfriend or anything. It's just stating facts that then do not change and nor does how I feel about them.
  4. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    This is why I don't really think I'll bother getting therapy. Sure, if I think it'll help in the future I might. But not now. All I can do is say what's bothering me, blah blah blah. And then what? Just awkward silence from then on and nothing happens.

    I have no idea why I said this. Just thought I mention that I feel the same way.(besides having friends/partners. I don't have any etc, but for various reasons)
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You need to get a good therapist psychologist that specializes in trauma and cognitive therapy My first doc was not a good match for me the second one the one i have been going to 2 years now has helped immensely take care
  6. Deleted SKU

    Deleted SKU Well-Known Member

    The problem i have always had with counselling, therapy, or whatever name that you call it, in its various forms, is how little the person doing it offers. They reflect back what you say, whilst actively trying to avoid offering insight. It works for some people, being facilitated in their own discoveries, but i have spent years going through my own head, and simply having it parroted back at me has no purpose, and does nothing that i haven't already tried.
  7. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Yeah Rathis, I guess it wouldn't work to someone like you or I who apparently theorize constantly in our heads about ourselves. Doesn't help to talk to someone about it when we've already figured out as much as we can ourselves.

    Thanks for replying all.
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I guess counselling could be good if you get a good counsellor who actually cares more about you than the money that you're paying him/her. I think I would make a pretty good counsellor, but I'm happy with being a teacher for now at least. :smile:
  9. jasonkramer

    jasonkramer Well-Known Member

    after 3.5 (one was a phd student) the only benefits i got were my MBIT type of INTP and my learning style figured out. other than that i always got buyers remorse after i realized i said too much.

    from what ive read talking can help relive stress but, as you said, if your constantly analyzing in your head of have other people to talk to, then its kind of pointless.
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If you are having just parroting back to you by a therapist then you have the wrong therapist. It takes hard work to find a therapist that is excellent in what they do. the connection to therapist is very important as well. Sometimes i say very little yet the therapist is able to deal with this inner pain of mine. If you have it in your head prior to going into sessions it won't work well then ithink you have already sabotaged the therapy. There are excellent therapist out there just takes time and energy on your part to find them hugs
  11. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i think a good therapist is the key. mine doesn't just parrot back what i say. she offers advice and insight. she has saved my life many times over. it took a few bad therapists to find her but i'm glad i persevered. she teaches me coping strategies to deal with feeling suicidal and for self harm. she helps me resolve the trauma of being raped as a child. i just think you've had some crappy therapists...
  12. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    She wasn't even a therapist this recent one. Just a counselor who says "counselors don't offer advice, just a space to talk."

    Well, that's gonna help.
  13. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    yeah that totally wouldn't work for me. i need someone experienced who is willing to share her knowledge and advice with me. my therapist has 20 years experience. i value her advice.
  14. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    my experience with 7 preconceived arrogant psychs is therapy does more harm than good .....but i did get some meds i appreciate (though it seams am the only one)
    Need to state am not from US or UK and people here r as close minded as it gets on the issue.
    Anyway another thing is r u shure therapy is what u r laking, they may not be able to treat u if ur problems r life problems and have nothing to do with the mental relm. Like money, social isolation/ being stuck in a particular community,looks stuff like this.
  15. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    Seems like a mixture of responses here, some it helps, others it doesn't. For me it did for a while but just gradually went downhill. Think like most things, you can do it too long, after a while the same things keep coming out of your mouth and theirs, sort of like the law of diminishing returns. Out of anything, the meds that were prescribed ended up helping the most, but even their effect gradually wore off no matter how many times the dosage was increased or the changed to different ones.:huh:
  16. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    "Anyway another thing is r u shure therapy is what u r laking, they may not be able to treat u if ur problems r life problems and have nothing to do with the mental relm."

    Yeah I'm sure. I suffer from depression and traits of BPD, which I'm most likely gonna be diagnosed with soon :/. So yeah, pretty sure...
  17. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with Gakky1, It helps the first couple of years and then it fades away because you are repeating yourself and your therapist is getting upset with you because of that..I saw mine for five years and have just recently quit seeing her.. Everyone tells me to find a new one but it's not that easy..
  18. I have tried many therapists. Social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors. Maybe I haven't found the right person but every time I find that I'm therapy I fall apart. I'm made to rip open old wounds and re-live all of the traumas in my life. I quickly decompensate, start drinking or drugging, hurting myself. Finally I'll stop going because I end up so suicidal. The only way that I'll ever attemp therapy again is if I get into long term inpatient treatment. I have to be in a safe enviroment.
  19. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    Many of us are highly susceptible to clinical depression but what actually triggers it are the cognitive distortions that plague us. It is a therapist's job to identify and restructure these exaggerated, irrational beliefs and some do that task very well. Some therapists too often repeat what you say, ask irrelevant and diverging questions and don't seem to be putting very much effort into their very narrow task.

    Therapy is lifesaving for some people, better in some cases than medication.
  20. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Agree totally on your definition of a therapist's job, which is the most succinct wording I have seen.

    I would also add in the caveat, that therapy requires work on both sides and that to become reliant on a therapist is not the right way to go, it may feel that way initially but there comes a point where you're re-hashing the same conversation, and at that point you know that it is now down to you to ask yourself if you're taking the advice and using it in the best way.
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