OK, this may not be a big deal to most anyone, but I have always been taught that you should never use the gas oven to heat the house because of a leak and so on. I have been having serious suicidal ideation, and I do take medication. But last night.... I used the oven to heat the house and when I went to bed, I didn't turn it off on purpose. I actually kinda hoped that it would leak. And with that on my mind, I went to sleep with no worries. It scares me because I would never normally do that. Ever. I am on meds for panic attacks related to death and dying. I have been for years and they do a great job of that. I'm sick of taking medicine and now one of my meds to help me function and stay awake and take care of my family-- it's not covered with insurance because hypersomnia isn't that big of a deal I suppose. Even though I can and do sleep 18 or more hours a day without meds. So, how can I go to sleep peacefully hoping that I wouldn't wake up? I haven't been TOO afraid of myself, even though I've been idealizing suicide for a couple months. I have always known I wouldn't really do it. But..... What is THAT called? It's not a suicide attempt, so what is it? I don't know how serious something like that is, or if it can lead to something else.