Cause that's basically what I'm doing right now without trying to. I mean I'm not eating, my body hurts, but the alcohol keeps me in an emotional/mental state where life is bearable. 1 bottle of wine a day keeps depression away... actually that's not even true because I get these horrible depressions when I'm like vitamin defficient or something. I'm swigging from my wine glass every couple seconds right now. It hurts to live. My wife's gone, my daughter's gone, she should be playing in her room right now, but she's gone All I have left to say before I die is that I love my wife. Right now she's viscious and venemous.... but my song, my heart, is something I'd like to pass on to others. Even if it doesn't happen till 50 years after I'm dead, I hope this song reaches others. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3e1792XDNt4 forgive me if that's considered forum spam. But this is my heart and I typed all this myself, this isn't automated. Ken Soto Jr is my name. I live at <mod edit: bunny - please dont give out identifiable info in posts> and I am a real person on their way out one way or the other Thanks for lending me your eyes. Edit: Anyone who wants to talk, I'm on MSN messenger - Kensotojr@hotmail.com. I'm here existing till I don't anymore.