Is feeling guilty normal?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shoshana, Sep 19, 2011.

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  1. Shoshana

    Shoshana Member

    The last time I wrote here i was in great spirits. Optimistic and filled with... Hope.

    Now it's a different time and another place.

    It's been a year of this

    Isolation , check

    Depression, checkj

    Drug abuse, check

    My life has become static. And I go to sleep banking on the potential of tomorrow, but I wake up and the thought of life without weed is unbearable, while at the same time,life as a drug addict is relatively impossible to imagine.


    My kid self would hate my grown up self.

    Loser loser Loser I would say,(I'm very judgmental)

    I'm so lazy and the parts in control will not change.
    And I feel crazy even saying that, splitting myself into parts like some psychopath. But it's true. There is this constant battle surrounding me.

    I'm frustrated with how much time it takes me just to sort my head out each day. I dream about devoting my life to the " greater good" but I don't do It. For months I've just been sleeping and smoking and fucking around all day.


    I panic about the world going to shit, and don't know how to stop it.
    I panic about my life going to shit and don't know how to stop it.

    My vision of the future has changed and now I can't find a happy place to move towards. The Job and marriage and normal life seems....trivial, selfish, and most of all impossible.


    All I can see are days of this depravity.

    Ad there is this depraved yet very logical side of me, that says, " we're all random, in this world, and there I no solid reason for me to be here as opposed to anyone else. And I should just be thakfull. To be alive and stop spending so much time in my own head

    Help others
    Sacrifice because personal happiness is about as hard to come by as an outlet on an amish farm.

    You wait And you wait and at the end you either say, that was worth it, or it wasn't.

    Does anyone else feel guilty about being suicidal?

    I want to shake out my brain and start over.

    To get through 24 hours without traveling to the Far end extensions of existence only to snap back to this miserable reality.
     
  2. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Well - feeling guilty is normal if you feel like dying.

    As for the troubles you had - sorry about those mate - I know about isolation, drug abuse, and so on - but sometimes we try a few extremes to balance the darkness we have.

    Depression - check - 30 years of fun-loving-darkness.

    I guess I thought it was just how men felt - at the time I mean - it was strange I guess - but normal after a while.

    Wake up - wish you were dead - I wrote that song lyric son many times - like every song started

    I woke up dis morning-a
    and I wished I was dead!

    And so on on.

    Sometimes it was about a woman - so if your writing a song about a women and wish you were dead - its the wrong woman for sure!

    Well - usually!

    And with isolation - I could enjoy solitary confinement in a prison - I'd take 90 days - come out Zen like - or waving my arms and enraged!

    Zen actually.

    But isolation due to social isolation - we are social creatures at heart - we need the connections with others on all levels.

    As for the world going to sh** - why worry? If the world has a nuclear war - and we will before the next century comes in - well - you got the white man building all these weapons everyone else copied us and now its just men waving nukes about - I mean I'm a man - give me a nuke - I'd have to press something - or make demands - aim it somewhere - because that power would corrupt me - even if I thought I was doing the right thing - I'd be wrong - because killing anyone - yourself or others - its not nice.

    So let the world do what it wants mate - what the hell has that got to do with us? We're just two guys - suicidal hearts - so need our lives sorted - not the world.

    Why even want to save the world? 7 billion people can do that - they can live in peace or kill each other. I'll tell them not kill themselves - but if men want to kill each other - lets build a stadium and televise it and give the proceeds to - well, me actually! I could use some cash to give away !

    We have our little worlds we can build - our life is like a world - so we try to build a circle of trust - usually family and friends - the process of life - having kids and so on. That gives you a world you make happy - the world outside - how many of those people said hello to you of late?

    Exactly!

    So - forget saving people who - to be frank - are too lazy to save even the local town fields - too lazy to fight for anything apart from themselves. I help people who care - selfish people - I help them also - help them out of a fast moving train! JOKE !!!!!

    Hey - its hard when your young trying to make friends - sure - and hard finding someone to love - unless your Charlie Sheen!

    But the main thing is - you got to sort your life out - and if your smoking all day - just do it at night. Some will say ALL drugs are bad - but for me - I see people here on 7 meds - and unable to work. Most people I know who use drugs - work, have families - don't have depression. Got to say that.

    Drugs with depression - I agree - not a good idea usually - but exceptions exist.

    Junkies - addicts - that's not recreational use - its escapism and putting a sticking plaster on your issues.

    You say it all "stop spending so much time in my own head"

    Thinking too much about yourself becomes pointless after a while and it becomes negative if you have depression.

    Got to find others to think about also.

    But - do get help also - counselling perhaps - not sure if meds will work - if they do its usually just a window of opportunity for you. For me - meds never worked.

    You are worth something mate - your not worthless - and hope that you can get yourself in a better place - work, education or something

    Start a band perhaps.

    Or learn guitar!

    Good luck.

    Regards.
     
  3. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I know this may sound crazy, but it is true. The only resource I have found, (after searching everywhere else,) to explain all the questions in life including but not limited to the biggest question in life [suffering], is the bible. I turned to our creator and asked him for enlightenment, and he lead me to his word, and he revealed everything to me. EVERYTHING.
    Now I am blessed with everything I used to think was out of my reach: awesome husband, two awesome kids and one on the way in three weeks or sooner! A purpose with understanding in who I am, why I am here, what I am to do. How I can be productive, and how I can help others. The knowledge is endless, and with knowledge comes power. It is so empowering to know everything I need to know. I am now in control of my life and I am able to use that control to direct my life. HalleluYah!
    Hang in there and do what I did. I'm not sorry and its been six YEARS since I left my old life behind. I don't miss it at all.
     
  4. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Guilt comes as a result of pain. Society has hurt us, and caused us to believe that the way we feel is wrong.
     
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