is it a bad option

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sunshinesblack, Oct 28, 2010.

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  1. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    trying to exit with nicotine and alcohol and anti emetics i guess
     
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Nobody knows because the dead are not here to tell us.

    PM me or anybody else if you feel the need to talk about things.
     
  3. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    the ded may not be here to tell us but the living tend to analyze stuff and get to the bottom of things
    ha, always wonder how people can manage to talk about something that traumatizing that would make you suicidal
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    You start by talking about how you are feeling and see where it goes...J
     
  5. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    even if im feeling hopeless and ashamed of my sitation?
    At the moment i feel very empty and at peace that the best option might be to end my life as soon as possible but am scared of a failed outcome.
     
  6. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    It is never a good option, but an option nevertheless. It really depends on your situation. If you're feeling impulsive to commit suicide then i would say you might be making a mistake. Never act on impulse.
     
  7. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    What do you hope to achieve by that - you will only cause pain to those you leave behind - and you won't be able to comfort them.

    It's never a good option - and make no mistake boo it's not maybe a mistake - you ARE making a mistake.
     
  8. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    I know what you're trying to say, but don't be so judgemental toward the OP. We don't know what she or he is going through. I agree the ones left behind will grieve and weep, but how about the pain the OP is feeling? Selfishness goes both way.
    Either way, it's a choice the OP will have to decide.
     
  9. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    Thanks for being fair boo.
    Jeash, I tough people would drop the stupid prejudging and cliches at least on a "suicideforum".
    And no, I'm no where near impulsive I've been planning for quite a while, its more like laying my bed while i still can and not living it up to faith which proved itself pretty ugly till now.
     
  10. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    sunshine. IMO there is never an easy way to committ. Any way you do it or attempt it will cause pain to you and to others, long lasting pains.

    Why do you think your suicidial, when did it start and what have you done to change your outlook?
     
  11. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    doityourself:
    regarding the "easy way", I know there is no such thing, but if you research into methods there are huge differences. (one hour with coma than suffocation does not compare to liver/kidney failure 2 weeks in hospital)
    I take it most people here are really impulsive.....im quite the opposite.

    Im suicidal cause im socially isolated and have been so most my life (except i live with my parents which i feel alienated from), now at only 23 my health is also going down hill and I have no hope anymore. And don't get started on hurting them, I have a lot of resentment twords them.

    I think I have way to many issues one influencing another and have been so all my life.
    I always felt different from others, was more shy, emotional and people never liked me. I also always was the nicest hence the victim. I remember presuming my life wont go well by the age of 12 that's when i had my first suicidal thoughts. My parents always encouraged my individuality and made me feel different from others and that made things worst. I always get bullyed for the way I look and for the fact i did not enjoy hurting others and I really feel I was not made to live a normal decent life. I would be happy even with half but its really hell.
    I think I did all one could think of to get out of the situation. Psichologists seam clueless, meds dont do much, actually studied psichology and got maximum score on my finals, people dont want to have anything to do with me at best, even when I get close I realise my looks will always keep me away from people, i feel like crying when I look in the mirror but due to my parents brainwashing it took me to have to study abroad and break from them to realize this is whats keeping me down and hopeless. I cant even work well anymore, its very unrewarding. I did good in school and was quite pasionate about losts of things in my teens and was hopeing to eventually meet people like me (emotionally and intellectually), but I got nowhere cause people dont want me to do well and never got to meet those ones like me. I feel like everyone wanted me to commit suicide in highschool (some even sayd it) and in univ i just gave up on life emotionally even though i did not attempt suicide. In first year almost fel in love with someone out of my ligue and it made me realize i can be happy in this life.
    I literally never had anyone to talk to all my life, I talked to my parents but to put it shortly i think they have some serious brain issues too, and they only denied any problems or made me worst. Last psich whom i thought was best and most talkable said i have severe depression,social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder, and treatment proposed was mainly focused on accepting the situation as she saw no possible significant change. Id like to see her accept this.
    So now i feel at the end of the road and really want to end it, I cant stand seeing my aging face in the mirror, knowing that is all Ill ever accomplish ...
    so there
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 29, 2010
  12. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member


    Sunshine, sounds like you put alot into what others think and say about you. I agree with the brainwashing, hearing things over and over again will make you start believing them. There are alot of points in your posts that says that you can be happy with yourself, and your world.

    You sound like a mature, educated, big hearted man. Why would you let others bring you down so much? I know it doesnt matter, but there are so many of us that want to feel educated, feel like we could love again, all the things youve listed, dont waste that oppurtunity to like yourself, to be yourself. Not what others think or say but to just be you. Theres nothing wrong with that, you dont have to look, sound, dress like anyone else, its okay to be you.
     
  13. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    erm, you read that somewhat backwords since I am a woman,
    and by now I HATE EDDUCATION , I even seen people call it "enducational abuse". It kills your soul and rips it apart from the world. Be it even vulgar is batter than being alienated, people need connectedness so trive.
    If i was average looking i would have not cared about theyr precious bull and minded my life but since i was cursed with the ugly i was weak and couldnt brake from them.
     
  14. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    sunshine, :oops: sorry about that.

    Can I ask how old you are and what your home situation is? Your writing is very smooth, ever thought of writing short stories? What do you do to keep yourself occupied?

    Im sorry everyone around you cant see the person inside, Im sorry you dont like yourself on the outside. In my life I never put looks before anything, Ive met some really nasty beautiful people. I know you dont want to hear that but its true.

    Hope you feel better today.
     
  15. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    24 in january but not if i can help it
    i live with my parents which i deeply despise and hate, I feel they are the first people that though me to not talk and keep to myself and work cause I don't matter.I cant work now cause am too depressed and socially outcast, people always mob me. I have a wok at home (part time?)job that is pay per project but pay is a joke and it occupies my whole time, no time for anything else and since where poor i have to keep it, its in my study domain but id rather work as chamber maid for decent money ...yes that's decent money to me as am from a shit hole country.

    Anyway real problem is its been ridiculously long time for me too feel comfortable thinking about normal people to write short storyes, it literally hurts to think about "people" Thinking about "people' is a good suicide trigger, i start crying just thinking about them. U have no idea what I went thru to get the bullshit diplomas and that's why i call it abuse. Only "balance" i get is roaming the interwebs loony bean and it lasts till i have to go outside and pay my phone bill or whatever.
    Had to meet today the person i work for but couldn't, my mind just stoped and memmoryes started occupying it, i imagined fighting with my parents and telling them what i don't tell them in person and with this i was late for the meeting. I rescheduled it but thats my life....
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 2, 2010
  16. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    sunshine, it sounds like youve lost someone you really care about, talk to us about it. I know alot of people on this site that has and is still fighting the fight to overcome.

    I do hope your having a better day.
     
  17. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    only person i lost and really cared about is me
     
  18. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Honey, you need to see what you have going for you. Reread some of your posts, things like I scored maximum on test, parents really caring for you, and others that you probably didnt even list.

    When you ask yourself what will help, whats the first thing that comes to mind?
     
  19. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    dunno what u r reading there or what u r on when u r reading

    seriously
    i have no one than my parents never had anyone else and i doubt they would care if i was not theyr kid, its horrible and i just want to die

    cant work, no money and no one gives a shit about me
     
  20. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    sunshine, I dont even know you and I care, I care that your hurting, I care that you seem to have noone around you to reach out, please keep posting on here, this is a great site and I have found many people that understand and can relate. Dont give up on the fight, Im here if you ever want to talk.
     
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