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is it abuse?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by angelheart, Dec 14, 2011.

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  1. angelheart

    angelheart Active Member

    I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years, he says he loves me but sometimes I think he's just using me for sex. when we do have sex he gets rough, he chokes me, bites me, and has slapped me twice. I told him I like it rough but idk how far is too far. he doesn't do any of this when we aren't having sex, but sometimes I feel like sex is all he cares about...
  2. Chronny Depp

    Chronny Depp Member

    I'm sorry for you situation
    I hope this helps,

    I think you need to tell him he is going too far. If you two are having sex it shouldn't be very awkward to ask him to be a little gentler or not to hit or bit etc. As for if he is using you or not, I am no expert on those kinds of situations. I've never even faced that kinda of situation but here is what I think (and I just type ideas as I go along so they aren't formatted very nicely, sorry ^^'). Perhaps you should make him work for sex (i.e. a LONG date) and see if he is just waiting to get it. Don't let him now how long the date will be, just keep in mind anytime he wants to leave for it, or hints about it. If he wants it from the very start of the date, I think you can be certain. How you initiate this date without letting him know there MAY be sex in the end, I'm not sure. Or how about that? Ask him to go on a date with you late at night with him KNOWING that there won't be any sex. That you're not in the mood or something. See his reaction, if he wants to go on this date after he knows there won't be sex. That's just a couple of ideas. I'm sure there are plenty more ideas out there (and probably better ones).

    Good luck!
    I hope everything goes well for you ^^
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I think the above poster said it all really. You HAVE to tell him where to draw the line and what makes you uncomfortable. Explain to him your idea of rough because he might think that this is what you want. Good luck.
  4. crystalclear

    crystalclear Well-Known Member

    Sex should be an activity enjoyed by both parties. Maybe your guy is just sex driven and he's into the whole S and M and dominating thing but still, be honest and tell your bf that he is being too rough and that he should stop when you tell him to especially when he's handling you so roughly.
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