Is it all going to catch up with me?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by sosasoso, Oct 17, 2011.

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  1. sosasoso

    sosasoso Member

    I've been having a hard time recently, for the past 2 months realy but i've coped with things really well so far...

    I had to quit my job because they kept underpaying me, my new job were even worse and didn't pay me at all, so we spent 6 weeks with just 1 income.

    We own our own flat and just found out we have to get loads of building work done but don't have any savings plus its my gf's 30th bday coming up and I know she wants to go on holiday but I can't even afford a card right now.

    Add to this my best friend died 2 years ago, then his sister died from an aneurysm out of the blue 2 weeks ago which has devastated his family again.

    Then my house was robbed and we lost most of our valuables.

    Last week I dislocated my shoulder and had to take time off work which nearly cost me my job.

    Normally i'd need to talk a lot about these things, i'd cry at a funeral, i'd get mad at being robbed, i'd be depressed about money and be self pitying about my health.....but i feel nothing.

    And not in a zen budhist kind of way, its just in 1 ear and out the other, without even registering.

    My point is none of this is not affecting me in the slightest, i don't feel any emotions about any of it, is this all gonna store up and explode at some point?

    I know im getting through things cos im not thinking about them and have so much to do everyday that i dont have time to think.

    Then on saturday night I was coming back from a bday drinks and saw a horrific car crash, I went and helped and called the ambulance. I even held the guys hand and spoke to him to keep him conscious til they took him to hospital.

    I was fine at the time but on my way home i started shaking like i was really cold, ppl were coming upto me on the street to help me!

    Now everytime i stop doing something i see the guy from the car accident lying on the floor covered in blood. Its not a haunting image it was just not the kind of thing you see everyday and I cant stop telling people about it constantly.

    I didn't even think about it till about an hour ago but my best friend died in a car crash though i never saw the scene or his body afterwards.

    Like I said i'm worried im bottling things up and im gonig to blow up, i haven't felt this dispassionately about my own life before and definitely not without a ton of wallowing in self pity and depression and definitely not without any suicidal thoughts.

    I just want to know if anyone else deals with stuff that important in this way and does it just end up all coming out in one go?

    I've done counselling before anyone suggests it, try telling a counsellor all that ^^^^ has just happened in 6 weeks and then see how they look at you disbelievingly, its the same everytime they dont know where to start and jsut ask me what i think the problem is or what i want help with!?!

    I just want know if anyone else is going through life not thinking or feeling anyway about it, but not feeling depressed or suicidal either and how long it lasts for?
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    talking to people about the accident is probably a good thing. good for you for helping out!

    in general, it sounds like if you keep talking about what you are experiencing, that might help you

    I think there are styles of counseling where they just let you talk. that kind of counseling might be good for you

    you've had a lot of hardship come your way, but I bet you have some good karma coming to you
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Sorry you're having such a rough time, but I'm glad you're able to cope with things really well, keep up the hard work!

    Ack, that doesn't sound good, perhaps you could have a party in the apartment for you and herself, make a romantic evening out of it. I'm sure she would like that, I know I would.Remind her of how much you love and adore her, that should make her happy, all girls love that. :p
  4. Severijn

    Severijn Well-Known Member

    Hi sosasoso.

    I can kind of relate. I have a very ill sister living with me who's suicidal sometimes. But the thing is, it barely affects me. Instead I just keep doing somewhat fun things with her, talking, playing on the Wii, having a drink together.

    I was really emotional and sensitive when I was young. But after OCD, PTSD, social aniety, and clinical depression and a psychotic depression, I have become... how should I call it... stoic I think. Things just don't affect me strongly anymore. I've become really tough on the inside, and I don't really have a need to talk about things anymore. I haven't decided yet if this is good or bad, but it makes life easier.

    I don't know if this is the case with you. It could be that things are bottling up on the inside. If so, talking about that with someone you know or a therapist can help. But who knows, maybe you've become more emotionally tolerant on the inside.
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